Reply to How do some women land amazing, caring, reliable, attractive guys?

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Reply to "How do some women land amazing, caring, reliable, attractive guys?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, it probably helps to know what to look for.  I’ve often thought that girls who had amazing, caring, reliable fathers probably both seek out and attract amazing, caring, reliable guys. Those types of relationships feel natural and normal to them — as might rejecting interactions with guys who are uncaring ind unreliable.  [/quote]

I think this is true. My dad is not kind, caring, or reliable. I really struggled early on in dating because I found men who were kind or who seemed to really care about me untrustworthy. I had been taught that I didn't deserve kindness or affection, so I thought it was a trick. That's what a bad dad does to your brain (I also had a bad mom, in case anyone is worried).

I *did* recognize that some men didn't treat me well and I did reject those guys -- turns out I had some self worth in there somewhere. But I ultimately wound up married to someone very stoic, and I think it's because he neither scared me nor weirded me out with emotional availability. I lucked out in that we've both worked through a lot of our issues together and he's now more emotionally expressive and affectionate than he was originally (especially with our DC but also with me) and I have learned to trust that and believe I deserve it.

But I could never have married someone who was very openly caring back when I was dating. It was totally foreign to me and I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't believe I deserved someone caring.[/quote]

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