Reply to Is there any expectation on a family member who stays “postpartum”?

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[quote=Anonymous]It is absolutely rude and I would also be pissed. If you visit a new mom within the first month (minimum) after birth, you should be helping in some way and you should treat the new mom with some deference as she's recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. Just from a practical standpoint, the new mom is dealing with massive hormonal swings that can make her emotionally tender and you should be thoughtful of that. But especially if it's a first child, she's also undergoing an identity change and deserves some extra TLC. So does the new dad. If you don't want to sign up for that and want it just to be about YOU meeting the baby... you can do that from a hotel via short visits. If you can't afford that, you can wait until the baby is older. Sorry.

I traveled TO my ILs home when my DC was 3 weeks old after much pressure was placed on me to do so because my FIL was ill and could not travel. I didn't feel ready to travel and was still bleeding. It was a 7 hour car ride both ways. I was not even offered hospitality while we were visiting -- they planned a party for a bunch of people to come over against my express wishes that it just be ILs and my husband's siblings and that I was not ready to see other people and didn't want to be passing my newborn around to a bunch of people I barely knew. No one except my DH made any effort to take care of my physically (like even just checking to see if I needed a drink while breastfeeding) and my MIL complained repeatedly that I was "hogging" the baby.

I repaired my relationship with them but never truly forgot this. I still think of them as fundamentally selfish people.[/quote]

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