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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]His wife says she “gets overwhelmed by large gatherings”, citing her anxiety or whatever condition she has. Out of guilt he can’t join the larger celebration, she wins. [/quote]

Maybe he's the one who doesn't like the big gatherings at holidays. My DH really doesn't like doing holidays with his family. We do one a year with them, partly at my encouragement and partly out of his sense of obligation and partly because we both want our kid to cultivate those memories with his family. But DH really struggles through them. I am neutral on them. I know it's hard for him and seeing him struggle is hard for me, but I don't have the issues he does with his family because I don't have that history with them, so I don't really have a hard time with them.

The fact that the brother makes an effort to spend time with his parents around the holiday, and still has a strong relationship with his sisters during non-holiday times, indicates to me that there is something about the *group* dynamic during holidays that either he doesn't like or his wife doesn't (or both). As others have said, it's possible the SIL just doesn't fit into the holiday vibe set by the women in the family, that's a common issue. But I personally think it's just as likely that the brother has some issue with the way his sisters and parents interact, or the way they interact with him as a unit, and he seeks to avoid it by doing holidays the way he does.

Whenever we visit DH's family, we never stay more than three days, and I know his whole family thinks it's me setting this limitation, but the honest truth is that it's him. When I suggest staying an extra day or heading up early, he gets very stressed and says his limit is three and then he has to get out of there. But it's easier for them to blame me so I accept my role as scapegoat.[/quote]

See either way it’s stupid bc what that’s inadvertently saying is it’s ok if it’s bc of her brother’s mental health issues but if her SIL has the exact same mental health issues all of a sudden the reason isn’t valid anymore as if her mental health issues are less important than her brother’s? The double standards that exist on here never cease to amaze me.[/quote]

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