Reply to Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Life is long. People male mistakes. And people on DCUM are often pretty crazy.

Sorry for what you’re going through OP. It is possible to divorce and keep things amicable. It is also possible to heal and change but that requires a lot of work. I hope you find a way out of the mess quickly and for good, whether it means leaving or staying in the marriage.[/quote]

Life can be long but betrayal almost feels like it’s altering your DNA, dysregulation is the norm after discovery, it can manifest physically which in addition to making life far less joyful can drastically shorten it.

I had an emotional affair, I didn’t intend on it.  I didn’t want to hurt anyone but it felt so good that I became a contortionist to continue justifying what I was doing. It was so strange the way it happened, it was slow and felt manageable and then it came all at once, I never said it out loud but if there were some sort of blood test for being in love I would’ve scored off the charts. I have no idea if it was real, I’ve done tons of reading and most say emotional affairs are just projections of your own wants onto someone, but that doesn’t feel accurate, I admired them deeply for who they were, their strength and their gifts, the way they made me feel was just a bonus. Our time together didn’t have a very sexual vibe so I doubt it would’ve ever gone that way, whether sex makes the wreckage easier or harder to clean up I’ll never know.

OP if you are reading go onto psychology today and read through the profiles, pretty much every provider gives a free 15 minute preview session where you layout everything that happened and they can talk about their experience and how to help you through. Talk to a few of them and you’ll get a feel for who you gel with. I know gender shouldn’t matter but for me it kind of did, my first counselor was a woman and she was awesome but the male counselor I moved to allowed for a lot of shorthand so the work was really efficient.

Protein, hydrate, cardio, lift weights, buy yourself something you’ve always wanted and take yourself out to an expensive lunch at least once a week.

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