Reply to Allocating holidays and divorce

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Allocating holidays and divorce"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who splits holidays with an ex, we wrote our agreement with a default split that went into effect if we couldn't amicably work things out. It alternates the major holidays (with one person having Easter and Thanksgiving one year, and Christmas the next) and lists specific dates for exchanges over winter break. But the agreement is written so that we can change that arrangement based on mutual agreement which we do almost every year. We split winter break, but we adjust specific dates based on travel plans, etc. We're supposed to alternate Easter, but it's not a big deal for either of us, so we usually just base it on our normal alternating weekend schedule. One year we swapped (so we each got Christmas 2 years in a row) to accommodate spending time with family who were about to move overseas.

I guess my point is that you can write a schedule in such a way that offers a split but leaves a lot of room for customization.

Honestly, it's been kind of fun the years I have the kids the non-Christmas week. We pick a different day to celebrate and still do all of the same traditions. Some years we do a vacation--which we wouldn't do during Christmas week. It's kind of liberating. Since Christmas was plopped onto a random date originally anyway, it's not like it really matters. Adopting this attitude will serve you well when your kid is a kid, and when they are an adult and you don't want to make holidays a fraught experience.[/quote]

Please say more? OP and probably this wouldn’t apply in my situation unless things change substantially, but I’m curious how you worked things out. How far in advance did you discuss holidays? Who usually brought up the conversation as you neared a specific holiday/event that you needed flexibility for?

I’ve been the one initiating every conversation about custody so far, so I wouldn’t see this working because it would feel too much to STBX like I was running the show. But I’m curious how more functional families approach these things and how I might adapt those ways to my life in the future.[/quote]

For the smaller stuff (like figuring out when a logical switch day is during winter break) it is almost always my initial suggestion, because I am the one who pays attention to the school calendar and I'm more type A and like to be able to plan things in advance. I usually have a draft calendar prepped once the school year starts that proposed one. But this year, for example, he has plans the weekend I had proposed switching, so he just emailed to ask if we could do it on Monday instead of Saturday. He generally goes along with my suggestions, but I think I'm pretty reasonable and make logical suggestions.

One thing I didn't call out previously is that we mutually agreed that we didn't want to try splitting Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I would rather have the whole experience every other year than have a part holiday with the chaos of a custody exchange in the middle of it. It also gives more flexibility for travel if you're not chopping that week up. Other people (as you see from comments) feel differently. And if the church part is important to you, alternating Eve and Day might work for you, and you attend Mass together whichever one you have.

For summer vacations, our agreement gives us alternating first picks for vacation weeks each summer and we're supposed to choose them by a certain date. However, as the kids got older and wanted more specialty camps, our schedules were really more dictated by camp than by our preferences. I am way more likely to be making advance travel plans for summer (he's more of a last minute, smaller trips person) and I need to have dates settled so I can buy plane tickets. So I usually send an email along the lines of: Kid A has these restricted dates and Kid B has these restricted dates, so that leaves weeks A, B, D, and F open for vacations. I'd like two consecutive weeks of possible, so are you ok with me taking A and B, and you take D and F?  [I know you're not asking about summer, but just giving a sense of how our dynamic works, because I think it's pretty functional.][/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics