Reply to Kid's friend's parents lied to her that we're "too busy"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you were very clear that you have no issue with this family never reciprocating (I’m the same way) but feel bothered that the other mother lied in a way that was damaging to your daughter’s friendship, even in a really minor way. I think it would have been fine to say oh, we were available and would have loved to see you! So sad we didn’t get to make that happen. So she can go ask her mom and the mom can come up with a different lie next time.

But since the moment is past I would try to let it go and if you want to keep this friendship alive emphasize that you LOVE hosting and really prefer it and it’s so nice that they have been willing to come to you next time you talk to the mom. Give her a way to save face and keep the friendship alive (if you want to). I try really hard to not hold parents’s weirdness against the kids.[/quote]

Omg, please do not throw this other mom under the bus with her own kid! What is wrong with you?[/quote]

It is not throwing the other mom under the bus to point out they lied about you. If the kid misunderstood she could go home and report to her mom that we were available and the mom could clarify they were the ones who were busy and just continue to say they are busy every weekend, forever. Or she could grow a spine and just say sorry we are not hosting playdates at our house. I mean seriously. I am learning from this thread you all lie to your kids a lot. You should stop, you are going to get caught eventually.[/quote]

I am a parent who has empathy for other parents and also does not assume a 5 yr old is perfectly and accurately reporting a conversation with their parent. I also don't care enough about playdates with kindergarteners in general to care about this. This playdate that never happened will not make even a smidge if difference in these kids lives. It does not matter.

If your attitude is that the fellow mom who may or may not have told a white lie to her kid needs her comeuppance, enjoy having ZERO parent friends. [/quote]

+1[/quote]

I have plenty of parent friends who can handle being honest with their kids. My friends would never expect me (really my kids) to do their dirty work of disappointing their kid by saying my kid is always being too busy to come over because they don’t want to host a playdate. I find it so gross that apparently this is something that people are doing routinely. What is wrong with you all?

If the kid misunderstood, I don’t see the problem in setting them straight, how is that even a consideration? [/quote]

OMG.

Right now the girl thinks the reason you didn't get together is that you were busy with something else, a perfectly acceptable reason not to get together. The girl might be disappointed there wasn't a play date but oh well, sometimes kids are disappointed there isn't a play date. This is not a catastrophe. The child does not think poorly of you -- she just incorrectly thinks you were busy.

If you "set her straight" she is going to know her parents lied to her about you being busy. And the mom is going to discover that it's more important to you to make sure her daughter knows she lied than to offer a little goodwill to a fellow parent and just say "oh it's too bad we couldn't make it work, let's try again next weekend." So then you'll have a 5 yr old who is upset her mom lied, and a mom who is upset to be called out on a lie in front of her own kid.

AND you don't even know if she lied! She may have said something like "oh it's too last minute to ask, they are probably busy." The five year old might not have understood. But if you butt in with your "honestly" she will absolutely believe her mom lied, and she'll believe her mom did so to deprive her child of a playdate (instead of the real reason, which is likely that you are a PITA and the mom couldn't deal with you that day because you are the sort of person who pulls stuff like this).

Don't call parents out in front of their kids for innocent white lies that ALL parents tell their kids with absolutely no harm befalling anyone. I can't believe anyone has to explain this to you.[/quote]

You are missing that OP’s kids have never been allowed to go to this house.  This is not a one off. What do you think when someone is always “too busy” to come over when you invite them? If what the little girl said is accurate, she wants to have people over and her mom is habitually coming up with reasons that they can’t.

Again if it was a misunderstanding then the mom explains that. I don’t lie to my kids so I don’t get caught lying to them or spend a lot of time worrying about who is not going to help me cover up my lies but my kids have misrepresented something and I’ve smoothed it over later. No big deal. I don’t understand why you think it’s even relevant that the little girl might have misunderstood what her mom said. None of this is out of malice, I am very aware kids say things that aren’t 100 percent true all the time and that might be what happened here. But no I’m not going to play along with the idea my kid refused a play date (or maybe many, even all play dates with a specific child) because I’m so worried another parent might get caught in their own lies.

Seriously if you are this worried about it just tell the kid the truth.

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