Reply to Navigating adult friendships is confusing. Advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Adult friendships can be really confusing sometimes.  Rather than wonder what's going on with her or distance yourself from the friendship, I would suggest gently trying to find out what's going on in the friendship with a text message that expresses your concern that things aren't as close as they used to be.

I would suggest in a few weeks texting something along the lines of: Hey, I've been thinking about you and noticing lately we haven't been texting as much as we used to.  I just wanted to check in--is everything okay?  I know things can come up so I'm happy to be a listening ear or support you in any way. If not, and things have just gotten busy for you--no worries.  I will look forward to re-connecting when you are able to.  If you have time to meet up for coffee in the next few weeks that would be great!  I'm generally free Saturday mornings.  Hope to connect with you soon!

I think the important thing here is that you don't want to distance yourself from the friendship too early without checking in with your friend. Checking in gives you important information.  If she doesn't respond to your text, no answer is also an answer.  If that happens I would probably match the energy she is putting in and focus my time on other friendships.

I also have a question: I have heard other women talking about sending each other memes by text.  What is this all about?  I have never sent a meme to anyone nor received a text meme, so I'm curious about that.  What is the point of doing that?  When I text friends/acquaintances I like to have actual conversations by text, so I'm wondering what's the point of sending memes?  I don't get it.[/quote]

I would not say "I notice you haven't been texting as much." Behavior is communication. She told you she got together with the other friend so she does have time. I remember back in the 90s people were told to confront every little thing verbally and get it out in the open and some people find that too much and too high maintenance. It may push her away completely to have to explain herself anytime she needs some distance. Friendships have normal cycles of more closeness, stepping back a little and returning. it's OK for her to prioritize another friendship sometimes. Maybe that friend is going through a hard time or they relate more. sometimes you just need a break from someone you consider a close friend, but you don't want to have to talk it out. Sometimes you know it isn't rational, but you think the distance will make your heart grow fonder again. Having to say "for some irrational reason I am not enjoying the friendship right now, but I do plan to come back" is not comfortable. OP have you  every stepped back a little from a friendship for reasons you don't feel like explaining, but you still value the frienndship?[/quote]

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