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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Um, OP, having seen your update - I doubt your ex has a house. He's probably living with an affair partner or couch surfing, but saying he has a house because he is trying to get partial custody and wants to appear stable.

As to your question, I can just tell you that my husband's ex did the same thing. She left nearly all her stuff at the house other than clothes. Apparently she wanted to start anew. I mean she even left stuff like medical records! And her engagement ring!

My husband never cleaned it all out so *I* had to do it. He had a provision in his divorce agreement that she had until a certain date to come get her stuff and after a certain date, everything in the house was presumed his. I moved in four years after this date, so we decided we had the right to toss it all.

He plans to sell the engagement ring for his kids' college tuition.[/quote]

OP and my DH left extensive medical records documenting mental illness and other things which impair his ability to parent and/or show that he is not in compliance with medical professionals’ treatment recommendations. And yet he is trying to hide his medical history during the divorce process and custody evaluation. It’s crazy that he doesn’t realize that all his papers are just sitting in our kitchen desk drawer, or that he thinks I can’t see them?

Bizarrely, I found multiple engagement rings in his stuff. And none of them are mine. I have documented the find with my attorney so I can’t be accused of stealing or hiding them, but hopefully he doesn’t claim them because at some point I’ll need the money. [/quote]

OP, you just answered your own question. He has untreated mental illness. The real question is - why are you surprised by his behavior? Why did you expect him to suddenly behave reasonably and rationally (the only questions I have here are about you)? I imagine that puzzling out the “why” of your ex has been a well-worn path throughout the your marriage, and perhaps it’s hard for you to just - let it go. I’m not saying that you’re codependent, but just as your ex seems to be having an inexplicably hard time cutting that last cord, you might be too. Your ex has untreated mental illness - you have the paperwork to show it - and you should expect him to behave accordingly.

Regarding the boxes - you are saying they are upsetting the kids, but why? I mean, obviously the whole situation is upsetting because their dad has moved out, but having to see his boxes when they need to move the printer does not seem like a huge deal - his ABSENCE is the huge deal. They know he’s moved out, and hopefully they’re in therapy to deal with it. I wonder if they’re absorbing your stress about the boxes. This is something you can be matter-of-fact about, and they might follow suit, especially since it sounds like it’s going to be a long ride with your ex, and you all have endured a lot worse from him.

Try not to sweat the smaller things you can’t control. You can decide if it’s worthwhile to take steps to force your ex to remove his things, but there’s always going to be something with this guy, so it’ll be worthwhile to develop a strategy to cope with it. He’s not going to change; that’s why you’re separating. You can let go of the long-standing dynamic you’ve had with and try to forge a different path for yourself and your kids. The HOW of that can be learned in therapy. And yes, I realize that’s easier said than done.

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