Reply to What consequences for a disrespectful kid?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP what are you mad about?  The reaction sounds disproportionate to the act.  Would suggest you look into why you went after her so hard.  What is causing you stress about her sleeping in?  Is it unrelated to her actions?  Is she behind in school?  You want natural consequences - she missed practice because she overslept, she doesn't get school work done so she has to stay up late to get it done and then she is tired all week.  If she has family obligations- she doesn't get allowance until the chores are done. Teens are going through a period of separation - developmentally normal, so they will push you away and avoid you as they go through this normal process.  You are certainly making the process easier for her, but making it harder for you to maintain a relationship she wants to come up to once she leaves the next.  
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OP here. Thank you for saying this. I will have to rethink the way I am handling it.

She had a whole bunch of chores to do yesterday after she took Saturday to just chill and do nothing.

She did none of the chores she was asked to do and was on her computer all day yesterday.

Her room was a mess, her stuff all laying around the house (things she was asked to put away), her laundry basket was overflowing, last week's laundry dumped in another room and not folded because she was busy with homework the whole of last week. She did not unload the dishwasher which was her job, her jackets and shoes were dumped in the coat closet and not put back.

She never puts the plate in the sink after a meal, has drink cups and books laying around everywhere and nothing I say gets to her. I constantly have to clean up after her and I was done with this behavior.

Basically, she did not do any of her chores and decided to be on the computer or phone past 2 days and her not waking up was the straw on the camel's back today.

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But removing the lamp and door and screaming at her solves none of this.

The logical consequence is that she can’t go anywhere or do anything she wants to do until chores are done and room is clean.

Maybe she loses her computer if she’s using it for fun and avoiding chores, but you say she didn’t get her chores done because she was working on homework. Are you really punishing her for spending all her energy on homework? Is she in too hard of classes? Is she anxious or depressed? Does she have adhd or a learning disability?[/quote]

OP. You misunderstood - the homework was during the week so she put off all the rest for the weekend. And when the weekend came she just chilled both days between the phone and the computer (playing games).

No learning disability, not depressed, ahead in class. She got up late and now she is still not asleep. I can hear her singing in her room.

I didn't remove her door or lamp. It was an idle threat but in hindsight I shouldn't have said that or screamed. [/quote]

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