Reply to How would you handle a family member incapable of understanding that your feelings differ from theirs?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How would you handle a family member incapable of understanding that your feelings differ from theirs?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP has said "boundaries" about 20x in this thread.  There is no infraction of "boundaries" here, OP just doesn't like this person and wants an excuse to respond to their outreach with rudeness.  [/quote]

Yes, the OP doesn't quite understand boundaries. Boundaries aren't about making other people abide by your rules. Boundaries are about YOUR RESPONSE to other's behavior (walking away, ending a conversation, hanging up the phone, etc). Thinking other people need to follow your rules will set you up to be constantly irritated.

You can't control other people's behaviors. You can only control your own actions.

Therapy 101.

This, as well as performing basic manners and politeness (saying thank you to gifts!) even when you don't understand the reasoning behind them will make your path through life so much smoother. [/quote]

I agree boundaries are about what you will do, but that seems a bit beside the point when OP has asked not to be reminded of the death. Why is she then being criticized for not saying thank you but the relative is excused for doing something OP asked her not to do?

Even if OP is managing grief poorly, why can't she be left alone to do that as requested? Why do people feel the need to save people from themselves? This is a thing I will never understand.[/quote]

Also she did walk away from the unwanted party and is being criticized for that. Is it only okay if she'd specified in advance "if you throw a surprise party, I'll leave?" Being told to pretend you want something you've said you don't want feels like Ignoring Feelings 101, which doesn't seem good either.[/quote]

The party was at work, not with this relative. And while I think turning around and walking out was extreme that was a definitely a situation where a boundary was crossed.

The relative situation seems different. OP didn't say they don't want to be reminded of their parents death, they said they have seen enough death to know how to process, grieve, and move on. Which, in and of itself is kind of insulting to the relative.

They don't like this relative and find them over the top. I think that's OP's issue, not the relative's.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics