Reply to SN “Believers” vs SN “Non-Believers” - how to do what is in the best interest of a child

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Reply to "SN “Believers” vs SN “Non-Believers” - how to do what is in the best interest of a child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for all the replies.

DH is definitely in the category of “I am just like that and I turned out great” and his MD family and friends agree with him. His definition and solution to all parenting issues is punishment, because that’s what his parents did and he turned out “fine”.

I, on the other hand, have tried many things over the years (DS is in upper elementary). From parenting courses to every parenting strategy I could think off and including pretty strict consequences, but nothing takes away  DS’ obvious absent mindedness, inability to control high emotions, social skill struggles and anxiety. DS is smart and kind, but makes social mistakes which are driving all his friends away. He can understand his mistakes after the fact, but not at the moment. DS, himself, says he doesn’t understand why he does certain things when he gets upset, or too excited. Teachers, other parents, even friends complain about all of the same issues that I see.

If there is any additional form of parenting strategy I am ready to try it all. I also know that no one is a perfect parent, so most likely, I did contribute to some of the issues. Anything is possible, but it is so hard to  seek outside evaluation when DH and I have such differing opinions. I wonder whether psychologists who do the evaluation help with this and take time to address parent concerns (in our case, both mine and DH’s).
 I am having hard time imagining DH being ok if we do an evaluation and come back with any type of diagnosis. I think he believes an evaluation would prove me wrong.
[/quote]

Look, given this day and age, you could no doubt scrounge an ADHD diagnosis for your kid. The question is whether that changes anything. Unless you want to medicate your kid (and it doesn’t sound like they have issues that medication will be some kind of silver bullet for) or need an IEP, the label doesn’t matter. Truly you DO need to internalize that many “specula needs” are a recently created phenomenon created by changing definitions and not a newly discovered biological disease. Your DH is not wrong to say that kid is just like him, it’s just a personality that has been medicalized.

This is not like denying that cancer exists and refusing chemo. It’s you (and to be fair, a lot of society) trying to put kids into diagnostic boxes in order to make sense of the fact that they don’t conform to our image of perfect kids, to take away our anxiety.

Spend less time trying to patrol how your DH sees the world (because he has a valid perspective) and more time finding common ground on how to support your kid. [/quote]

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