Reply to SN “Believers” vs SN “Non-Believers” - how to do what is in the best interest of a child

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Reply to "SN “Believers” vs SN “Non-Believers” - how to do what is in the best interest of a child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, sometimes it's SN and also parenting could improve.

In grades PK4-4th I thought my DD had pretty subtle autism. Her PK4 teacher flagged it (and she was the mother of a girl with autism), a few elopements, significant sensory *under*sensitivity, hyperlexia, special interests, generally weak social skills and social anxiety/avoidance. No major behavior problem aside from eloping like 2-3 times total in her preschool/K years. In 5th grade she improved a lot socially and has less special interests, so now in 8th I wouldn't say she meets any ASD criteria, though she's still sensory under-sensitive.

My DH never really bought into the autism possibility, and he thinks it was never a thing. I think the massive effort I put into developing her social skills was effective. So of course it irritates me immensely that he reaps the benefit of my efforts and that my successful intervention is, to him, a reason to dismiss the entire problem and tell me that I was wrong all along. It sucks. But DD is okay now so I've had to let it go.[/quote]

New poster to this thread. Could you share what you did to support your DD's social skill development?  [/quote]

Well, my DD is very rules-oriented, and I think knowing social "rules" helps with her social anxiety. So I did a lot of explicit explaining of things like if someone says "Hi" to you, they're expecting that you'll say "hi" back, and if you don't say anything or at least wave/smile then they might think you don't want to play with them. (She was 6 years old for that one) She genuinely did not know that kind of thing, and disagreed with my instructions. I helped her to have sort of a "character card" in her head for each friend, knowing a few key activities, likes and dislikes, so that if she didn't know what to talk about, she could fall back on those items. Basically explaining things very explicitly because she wasn't finding it intuitive. Going over examples in books and TV shows about friendship-- it's best not to critique the kid's behavior too much. DD was socially avoidant and tended to read books rather than interact, so I spoke with the teacher about engaging her more and finding friends that she got along well with. Sometimes I signed her up for "jobs" that were social, such as handing out programs at a concert with me. Helping her get past the anxiety by giving her sort of a script or a role was helpful. She tended to freeze up with new people but then relax as she got to know them. But you know, every kid is different. Obviously having COVID happen during early elementary school was not helpful, those are critical years for social development.

Now that she's in middle school, she still applies certain "rules" but more loosely. For example, she knows that attending a friend's sports game or musical performance is an act of friendship, so she does it when she can. To choose birthday gifts for friends, she'll review pictures of them to determine their preferred color scheme and style of dress. It's really cute to hear her fashion analysis. For herself, she sticks to a color palette system that my mom taught me (basically pick a core neutral such as navy, three favorite colors, and a few second-tier-favorite colors), and her fashion choices are very much the median of her friend group-- no fashion risks! She still dislikes group projects, but that's not unusual IMO.[/quote]

Thank you! I find this very helpful.[/quote]

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