Reply to My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions?

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Reply to "My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions? "

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[quote=Anonymous]Oh man, I have the opposite problem. I LOVE to snuggle and my love language is definitely touch; my DH and DC both dislike it. My mom is also not big on it. Despite the occasional hurt feeling (on my part; mostly feeling rejected when my overtures are rebuffed), I've survived just fine, and learned some strategies over the years that may help.

First, and PPs have flagged this, make sure your child knows she is well-loved. Make sure to tell her, show her, hug her. Even if she doesn't get as much overt affection as she would like, that will make the difference between feeling "not good enough," rejected, distant from you, etc and having a good relationship with you.

Be honest with her about what YOU need, and like. OF COURSE a toddler needs affection, but you don't want to feel smothered. I have memories of my mom gently telling me she needed space, then kissing my head and sending me off to play. She was never upset about that, just matter-of-fact. And she always made a BIG deal when I made something for her, (a sandwich, a picture, or something at school) or helped her make dinner, clean up, etc. Those were our special times, and helped me feel close to her, even without the touch.

Redirect. Give her a special teddy bear, blanket, or doll, that she can love to pieces. Encourage her to hug it, take care of it, etc. I would WEAR OUT my special blankets, hugging and dragging them around the house. I still find snuggling up under blankets to be comforting.

Third, realize your daughter NEEDS to show her affection, so try to give her an appropriate alternative. In addition to giving big hugs to my dad, I was fortunate that my aunt was super snuggly. I loved seeing her, and she made sure to give me extra hugs, hold my hand, and generally keep me close when we got together. She loved it, I loved it, my family loved it. Win win. Can your DH, family member, or close friend play that role?

At some point, your DC will need to learn that not everyone likes to be hugged, or touched. Learning about boundaries from a parent, one who clearly loves and nurtures, is probably one of the kindest lessons you can give your child. Good luck, OP! You sound like a good mom to me.[/quote]

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