Reply to How to tell DH I want him to be more dominant?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the bedroom. Has this ever successfully worked in your relationship? I find men can be too passive, which isn’t attractive.[/quote]

Women have tried their best to undermine men, and now you expect them to take charge?
Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.

Let men be themselves in their daily lives, and they will naturally be dominant in the bedroom.
Masculinity has been so criticized that many men are afraid to show any signs of being dominant.
[/quote]

Because most men don’t actually display masculinity.

Mine is extremely masculine. He anticipates my every need and fulfills it beforehand, like if my car needs an oil change I don’t even have to ask, it’s handled. He grew up on a ranch and can do everything from shoeing a horse to handling firearms to fixing literally anything. He’s literally the only man I’ve ever met who I would 100% trust in an emergency. He still opens every door for me, pulls out my chair, takes me on dates, compliments how I look. He can run a 5 minute mile and knock out 20 pull-ups. He consults with me before making decisions and always makes the decision that benefits us, not just him. I’ve never seen him even glance at another woman and he treats all women with respect. And yes, he’s dominant in bed but also gentle and caring and checks to make sure I’m okay.

Too many boys are larping masculinity by just being loud, pushy, and obnoxious. I’ll be damned if some pudgy potato who can’t even change a flat tire and thinks “masculinity” is ranting in YouTube comments sections is going to try to boss me around in or out of the bedroom. [/quote]

NP. Would you mind commenting honestly about his porn use? I’ve just realized that 95% of men seem to think it’s normal to do it at least sometimes. I’m looking for a masculine guy too so I guess I have no chance of finding one that rejects porn.[/quote]

PP. So like, while I'm not a fan of porn, I'm realistic. I understand most men have been exposed to and used it from a very young age, and that most men go through long periods of time when they're single and having very little sex, so it gets used.

A guy friend once explained it to me that while yes, there are men who are excessive users, for a lot, it's just that they're horny and want to get off quickly so they can go on with their day. It's not "omg I want *her*", it's just a stimulus to get the job done. That makes sense and sounds fair to me. I have dated men who used excessively, to the point of not wanting actual sex, which is not okay with me. Or I had a boyfriend who would obsessively stalk other women's social media - not even thirst traps, just regular women - which actually seemed worse to me than occasional porn use.

I don't know his porn habits, and we haven't talked about it much. I don't ask because I don't want to know. And he's religious, and I know he's struggled with feeling guilt around normal sexual urges, so I don't push it because I don't want to add to that. Just like I don't want him judging me for my sexuality.

Really the issue is - do I feel desirable? Does he make me feel sexy? Do we have a good sex life? Is he not doing anything creepy, like leering at much younger women? If so, I'm not gonna get hung up over occasional porn use.

Also, I did date a guy who was 100% against porn, and TBH, he wasn't great in bed. He was also a jerk in many ways. So of all the things I want in a man, "NEVER looks at porn" isn't high up on the list.

Oh, and one more thing - I actually was never into porn myself and it made me feel insecure, until I found some that was created for women. Especially, there was one male porn star who was incredible and did pretty much everything I ever wanted a man to do to me (things WAY beyond just money shots, like eye contact, talking, just his whole demeanor, like the woman was the only thing in the entire universe). After that, I sort of 'got it', and I often use his content to figure out what I want in bed. And I read smut sometimes, so I can't be too judgmental![/quote]

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