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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was my suspicion. I live with my two teens and he has a 9 yo. We've been together over a year and I know it may be on his mind to ask me to move in. My gut tells me to just keep it as is until they head to college. We both have homes about 20 min from each other, his is just larger, so in his mind it makes sense. But I think for kids it's enough change having shifted houses from the divorce (schools/activities/friends all stayed the same).

The personal experiences are really helpful to hear-- [b]if anyone works where they see the impact of "wishful thinking," I would love to hear. [/b][/quote]

My mother proudly told anyone who would listen that she and the man she married when I was 14 "didn't even see a difference between her kids and his anymore." She pushed this bs right after they married and continued to do so for the rest of her life. According to her we were all just one big happy family like we'd been together from the start. A happily blended family, and it had worked out perfectly. To this day I don't know if this was wishful-thinking delusion or performative (she desperately wanted everything to look great to everyone on the outside), but he would beat me at least once a week while his kids walked on water. There was a huge budget for his kids' clothes, sports equipment, etc, and nothing for us -- zilch. In high school I bought my own clothes from thrift stores while my step siblings were purchased not only clothes but skis, dirt bikes, etc. I literally didn't even have underwear and socks. My mother wasn't free of blame either, not only did she allow all of this, she treated his daughter like dirt, out of jealousy, every chance she got. Not only was it not happy, there was abuse and it was traumatic.

So you can't believe the parents when they say it all turned out great. I wouldn't even believe the kids, unless it was every single kid in the family who thought that it had all worked out fine. [/quote]

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