Reply to Dealing with GF who is a widow vs. divorced and her kids/my kids/grandkids

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Dealing with GF who is a widow vs. divorced and her kids/my kids/grandkids"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are you acting like you don't have a choice? Check with your kids, pick a weekend, put it on the calendar, then get in your car and go. You don't need your girlfriend's permission. [/quote]

With GF's kids he has no planning responsibilities, can sit back and play the hero, maybe pay for things. This is easy for him. With his own kids and grandkids, he has to make plans and effort, show up, ask questions, and be engaged. It's just easier to find reasons not to go.

This is my Dad. He makes the easier choice and refuses to stand up to whomever he's married to at the time (currently on wife #3).

Trust me OP, your kids see it all, and probably feel the way my sister and I do: deeply sad and disappointed. If any of this mattered to you, you'd be making plans to see your kids instead of looking to be absolved on DCUM. Good luck with these choices.[/quote]

The last thing I’m looking for is absolution.  I’m trying to navigate toward better balance than 20:1 between my family and hers.  But the great warmth her family shows me as I fill a vacuum isn’t at all matched by warmth from my family to her, perhaps understandable because they see no vacuum, just added complication stemming from my repartnering after a grey divorce.  But numerous PPs have pointed out that a good way to proceed is to see my kids/grandkids frequently on my own.  Which I will do.  It may create some turbulence, but as one PP said, her kids probably want to have more alone time with her anyway.

I certainly was guilty (as are so many guys) of leaving the emotional labor of planning family getogethers to my ex, so this does not come naturally.  That is not a huge sin; lots of other important things do come more naturally to men than women.[/quote]

It’s a huge sin when you continue to fall into the same pattern so you see her family but not yours. As for the warmth thing, you have a lot of history with your kids (not all of it good), and you keep looking to the options that will create more tension.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics