Reply to Dating must-haves, wish lists and dealbreakers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food. 
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me. 
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips. 
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time. 
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids. [/quote]

I'm not trying to be unkind but what are you offering other than aging body, someone else's kids, hunger for wealth, attitude and expectations?[/quote]

For a lot of men, I don't have much to offer them. I don't want to cook for them, clean up after them, or have their kids, and a huge number of men aren't interested in me (I literally once had a man reject me because I told him I would not make him a sandwich). Which is fine, I am not interested in men who want a mommy.

The men who *are* attracted to me generally say this about me:

- They've found most women have little ambition, and the majority just want to be SAHMs, which is very unattractive to them (I am highly ambitious and make more than most women and men)
- I'm one of the few women they've met who can hold a conversation, especially at social events, and not embarrass them.
- I love to travel and because of my flexible work schedule, I can go on trips with them
- I actually don't like standard dates (dinner/drinks) and would rather do something fun like going to a State Fair and risking our lives on the carnival rides.
- I like sex, a LOT.

Like I said, I'm not a good match for standard men who are looking for a replacement mom. But there are enough men out there who fit my list of requirements and who are interested that I don't stay single for very long. But even if there weren't, I don't care. Being single is infinitely better than being with a man who makes life harder, which most do.[/quote]

"They've found most women have little ambition, and the majority just want to be SAHMs, which is very unattractive to them"

Do you know how many single women have raised extraordinary men?   Your statement is absurd.
Women make less than men because of Republicans. Women will now not be able to get jobs ie Project 2025 much less get paid a living wage.

And men want twinkies in their 20's while they get bald and fat .....[/quote]

PP. I *am* a single mom, LOL.

This is what men the men I date have told me. [b]That younger women without kids are just sort of waiting for a man to swoop in and make her a SAHM. They like me because I make my own money and don’t need rescuing. [/b]

I’m liberal, so no need to preach to me on republicans. That’s one more reason why I am so reluctant to get married, and I won’t unless the man has absurd amounts of money to offer. Otherwise marriage is just not worth the risk. [/quote]

NP: The bolded is a red flag and probably not for the reasons you think. That sentiment is not a tribute to how great we are that we have been ambitious and have successful careers and made money, and it's not about SAHM or WOHM or never a mom. It's a red flag for single, successful women -- look closely at what that guy is rejecting and valuing. What he wants and does not want. This is a guy for a one night stand or short term fling, not a long term relationship. The moment you have a need, he is gone. And you will have needs someday. He does not want to be responsible for other people, he just wants to have fun and be free to move on. This kind of guy is a bit of a trap for successful women, and I've seen a lot of them dumped by such guys in this town the moment life gets serious -- breast cancer, disabled or troubled child, job loss, chronic illness, family crisis where you are needed, etc. These guys bolt. More often than not, they are already married too.

Also they are lying to you when they say "most women they meet just want to be a SAHM" -- not if they are dating in this town. They are saying that to you because you let them know you look down on SAHMs, and they are flattering you. Chances are high that if that guy gets married, he will actually be OK with a SAHM, or not -- or he already did, and you are an AP and don't know it.[/quote]

PP. This is inaccurate. I have never said I look down on SAHMs. I was a SAHM for many years until I got divorced, and I am very vocal that I believe SAHMs should be paid a salary and get lots of time off from kids.

As for my needs - yes, I expect men to meet my needs. See my previous list of requirements. But reality is, most men, no matter who you are or who they are, aren’t gonna meet your needs. Most men don’t stick around for breast cancer or disabled kids. And there’s no real way to screen for that. Nobody knows what their partner will do until they are in that situation. I’ve seen men who I thought were highly devoted bail when things got tough.

It’s really not that complicated. I make my own money because I enjoy it. I date men who treat me well because I enjoy it. I don’t plan on remarrying because I have kids, so dating is for fun, not forever.[/quote]

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