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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result. [/quote]
This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text. [/quote]

No, that’s not how it goes.  I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents.  The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going.  If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this.  They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.  [/quote]
So let me get this straight. Mom was texting Jane and this made the friends drop her? Make it make sense. Also the leap from “you don’t let your kid on SM” to “you are super controlling” is bonkers. Are you the PO who let their 15 year old on Snapchat? Have you read any research on the subject of smartphones, social media, and developing brains? [/quote]

You have it backwards.  Jane’s mom is always texting Jane while the group is out and freaking out if they deviate from the plans, even a little.  The other kids are over it and don’t want to hang out with Jane anymore outside of school and have stopped inviting her places because of her mother.  [/quote]

DP, and I don't actually believe this story is truthful, but it's also irrelevant. This thread isn't about how much freedom you give kids to go out with friends. It's about access to social media. In your story, we don't even know if "Jane" has social media. She obviously has a phone, as her mom uses it to text her constantly as well as to track her location and hound her about it. So your story is about one kid who had a controlling mom who uses technology to control and limit her kid. It has nothing to do with social media.

Meanwhile, within that group of girls, I bet they have varying access to social media and that they gained that access at different times. At least that's how it is in my DD's group. Some parents are more limiting and some parents don't limit at all. It generally does not impact the fact of the girl's friendship, and if a friend for instance doesn't have a certain app (like my DD, who does not have access to TikTok and has only limited IG access through a heavily monitored account), they don't view it as an issue. When they make plans, they text, and all the girls have access to text/chat (as do all of the girls' parents).

Also, I don't think of the more restrictive parents at "controlling" nor the less restrictive parents as "lax." They are all great girls and I think the parents mostly share similar values. Rather, I think the girls are different and need different things, and there are varying parenting styles that give the girls what they need in different ways. At least so far, I don't see any behavior that would concern me or make me worry about my child's friendship with these girls, despite these differences in parenting approach.[/quote]

Okay.  You certainly posted a long reply to a story that you believe to be made up so there is no point in responding.  You have it figured out. And I guess it’s not relevant anyway, right?[/quote]

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