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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic.  She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?[/quote]

In the sports team or activity situation you mention, I would allow the creation of an account but with a discussion about what gets posted and maybe even consider waiting to put the app on the phone. Like do an IG account but only access it by computer (to cut down on endless scrolling) and heavily monitor it.

This would be in a situation where social media is being used specifically for a team or club, to communicate about the activity as well as to do things like celebrate wins or feature different athletes. I'd want my DD to be able to participate in that. If it's just that the girls on the team are all using SM, I'd hold out for that age 16 limit and really talk a lot about WHY you are delaying it.

With my own DD, I'm very open with her about how social media came into being when I was in my 30s, and I got sucked into it to the detriment of my mental health. Like I wound up quitting Facebook altogether and no longer keep social media apps on my phone because of the amount of time I was spending on them and the way the apps seemed to draw out and grow my insecurity. We've gone on TikTok, YouTube, and IG reels together and scrolled videos shorts and then talked about what that process feels like and how addictive it is, and I talked to her about how that was when I realized I really had a problem -- I'd get on IG stories and literally lose time, like suddenly realize it was past midnight even though I'd planned to go to bed at 10:30, but I'd literally been scrolling nonstop since then. And realizing that the app is designed to make you do that, it's the whole point. I also used to scroll Twitter and Facebook the same way, just endless scrolling, a total time suck and so much of it was mentally negative (looking at other people's vacation photos and feeling envious, reading commentary on the news and getting mad, etc.).

I'm still on Instagram but only use it on a browser, and never look at reels or stories. This means I go on it every few days for a few minutes and that's it. I quite Facebook and Twitter (I joined BlueSky but rarely look at it, only if there's a really big news story and just to check one list of journalists for updates, no scrolling). I don't use Threads. I think TikTok is spyware and will not create an account. Being able to explain to my DD how I got into a very bad place with social media and what I've done to get to a better place has been really helpful for teaching her about the pitfalls and discussing how it can be used responsibility to stay in touch with friends or follow people related to a hobby, without becoming a time suck or falling prey to FOMO or low self esteem as you compare yourself to the images other people project on social media profiles.[/quote]

You’re a recovering addict that’s not our problem [/quote]
NP. Sure it is, because the majority of us are also addicts just in denial. [/quote]

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