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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If grandparents are local, it would be nice if they’d help in an emergency. But the notion that it’s expected for grandparents to provide ANY childcare (non-emergency) is strange to me. My kids have involved grandparents who will help out if they can (but non-local). It’s great, but they offer. We don’t assume.

My grandparents loved us, but virtually never watched us and mainly seemed more interested in talking to my parents. And it was fine! I had a good relationship with them. But the term “grand parenting” was not a thing. The grandkids were not their focus.  I see it all the time on DCUM that people expect grandparents to help them parent.  Why? If the grandparents want to do it, they’ll offer. But it shouldn’t be an expectation. [/quote]

That's interesting. I grew up in the midwest as a millennial and my grandparents *very* frequently watched me. Pretty much any time I was sick, occasionally babysitting on Friday/Saturday nights, and about half of the summer.[/quote]
Same here. My grandfather came over most Saturday nights and stayed with us for up to two weeks while my parents traveled.
My mom does once a week school pickup and takes them overnight a couple times a year. But the attitude is different. She is hyper critical of me and my parenting and if I protest she says "with all the help I give you I can say whatever I want." My grandparents were polite and if they disagreed with something they bit their tongue.[/quote]

Yes, the attitude and willingness to criticize is wild.

My own grandparents weren't that involved for the most part, only my dad's mom was ever around. But when she was around, she would definitely watch us and help my mom. But I also remember she was just really, really nice and supportive of my mom. She'd say nice things to me about my mom all the time ("you're mom works so hard for you, she's such a good mom") and she's be nice and supportive to her as well, encouraging her to take a break, praising her food, reminding her to prioritize herself and not just her kids. I also don't remember my grandma saying an unkind word about me or my siblings ever. She doted on us and would praise us for being smart and helpful kids.

My parents and MIL are so critical. They never say anything supportive or kind towards me, DH, or the kids. Sometimes my mom will do crafting projects with my kids (she loves crafting) and she'll nitpick every little thing they do and point out all the flaws in anything they make, and then she gets mad when they quit the project or don't want to do it again. My dad will openly complain about aspects of my DD's personality in front of her. And not even negative qualities, just little quirks. My MIL is just really negative in general and says things like "I guess kids are just lazy, your dad was lazy too" if my kids are watching TV.[/quote]

Yes I could have written this! My grandma was always praising my parents."Your father is such a good provider. Your mother has made such a beautiful home for you. I hope you kids know how lucky you are" and so on.
Whereas my mom "Kids, how come your mom doesn't let you eat Jello? Why doesn't your dad practice (sport) with you more to help you get better? Why don't your parents take you to Disney World?" Just stop!![/quote]

And before someone comes at me:
I let them eat whatever at Grandmas. But they usually comment "Mom never lets us have this" and then I get an earful later
He does practice with them, but they aren't natural athletes and it upsets her that they never score a goal for her to post on FB
We don't want to waste money on crowded, overwhelming Disney that our kids wouldn't even enjoy [/quote]

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