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[quote=Anonymous]I am sorry your family is going through such a tough time. While I get your feeling that his parents are tone deaf, I think you have different values and expectations about helping family in need than his parents. Your values are not wrong and neither are theirs. They are not required to live their life and act according to your values, just as you are not required to live your life according to their values. I think you can appreciate that as you have felt judged by them for not living up to their values regarding work. Now you are judging them for not meeting your expectations of family.

There are many reasons they may not be reaching out or offering assistance. There are many people that don’t want questions from family when they are going through struggles. They find it awkward and embarrassing and think family is intruding into matters that are not their business. His parents may think that giving space is being respectful.

It’s also possible they don’t see your family making any changes to your life to address the situation. In their culture, they may expect both parties to find a job (any job, even retail) if life circumstances warrant it. My dad and grandparents worry about money because they know what it’s like not to have it. They don’t understand when my brother and his wife lose their job why they don’t immediately get any job while they try to get the job they want that pays what they need. My Dad has helped them pay bills but he has had to stop because he doesn’t see them doing anything to help themselves. They say they are trying but it would take more than a year of full financial support for them to get on a path to financial independence. My Dad is not responsible for that.

Put your resentment away and focus on what you are your husband can do to change your life.

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