Reply to Picked DH Up From DCA- Boys Weekend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around.  I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible.  They were all living vicariously through me.  This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now.   It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too.  While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character.   They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me.  They do the right thing more times than not.   They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too.   It’s a world of difference.   I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now.   I look back on it with some true level of horror.   I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.  [/quote]

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved. [/quote]

We all have serious failings from which we need to be saved. [/quote]

Or we could just be adults a deal with the consequences of our actions.

Saved does not mean excused or provide a clean slate.
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Speaking in terms of Christianity — being “saved” also entails true heart level changes in your life.   You cannot be “saved” and just keep living like you used to live.

And being saved does not mean there are no consequences in this world for what you have done — there may be consequences, even ongoing ones, and you do have to deal with those.

But you will not have consequences in the next life.   Romans 8:1.

In terms of a “clean slate” — Christianity actually says something even more radical than a clean slate.  Christianity says that when you have faith in Jesus — you get his record as a legal status before God.   When God looks at you, he sees Jesus — because of what Jesus did on the cross.   It is full substionary atonement.   2 Corthinians 5:21.

Whether you believe that or not is up to you, but I want to make sure the theological distinction is correct.

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