Reply to Finally separated from cheating man child husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would you want to have a baby with this man?[/quote]

Yeah, work on untangling this. You stayed for so long with someone like that. Why?[/quote]

Op here. The crux of our conflict:

- his chronic under/unemployment. For the past 3 years he chose to not work on his business and focus exclusively on his hobbies: writing his novel and writing and singing songs; he was in 3 local bands. Meanwhile he would come to me and whine about how he is so stressed as he doesn’t have money for his upcoming tax bill. I told him it’s opportunity cost of choosing to focus on his art instead of stabilizing his income. He was furious at me and blew up at me and yelled that he wanted a divorce. This was in the April of this year.
- we were married for 10 years during which he demonstrated no interest in having a family or setting us up where we could have that. When we married at 30 and I said hey let’s have a baby. He looked at me like I was crazy and that I was acting like we were 40 and we can’t afford a baby right now! He spent the past decade figuring out what he wanted to do and dabbling in his hobbies and pushing away any discussions of family or home and I grew increasingly depressed and sad and frustrated watching everyone else move on to other stages of life. When we finally started TTC 4 years ago… I had fertility issues and we needed to do ivf. This made my husband more anxious as he said we didn’t have money…we tried 1 transfer and after that he shut down conversations of more.[/quote]

Print out what you wrote and take it to a therapist. There are so many red flags in what you wrote I don't even know where to begin. [/quote]

Red flags about what? [/quote]

Are you serious?

You've been with this man for TEN YEARS with no improvement, in fact, there has been a decline. Yet it wasn't until HE LEFT that you were forced to do anything about the miserable situation you have been complaining about for a decade.

HE has a tax bill? You're married - why is not also yours? For someone who has been desperate to have a child with this person, you seem very oddly unattached to your marriage, except in theory.

SIX MONTHS ago he blew up at you and said he wanted a divorce but now you're shocked he cheated on you and left? Where did you think things were going?

At the BEGINNING of your marriage he said you were crazy for wanting a baby but you just kept along for that ride for ten years for some reason. Also, you waited until after you were married to say hey, let's have a baby. This guy has never been bought in on your marriage or the idea of a family with you. How have you never seen that in all this time?

I mean, do you need more? You sound incredibly immature, emotionally stunted, and woefully incapable of handling your life. You really need to be in therapy to unpack all of this. [/quote]

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