Reply to Finally separated from cheating man child husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would you want to have a baby with this man?[/quote]

Yeah, work on untangling this. You stayed for so long with someone like that. Why?[/quote]

Op here. The crux of our conflict:

- his chronic under/unemployment. For the past 3 years he chose to not work on his business and focus exclusively on his hobbies: writing his novel and writing and singing songs; he was in 3 local bands. Meanwhile he would come to me and whine about how he is so stressed as he doesn’t have money for his upcoming tax bill. I told him it’s opportunity cost of choosing to focus on his art instead of stabilizing his income. He was furious at me and blew up at me and yelled that he wanted a divorce. This was in the April of this year.
- we were married for 10 years during which he demonstrated no interest in having a family or setting us up where we could have that. When we married at 30 and I said hey let’s have a baby. He looked at me like I was crazy and that I was acting like we were 40 and we can’t afford a baby right now! He spent the past decade figuring out what he wanted to do and dabbling in his hobbies and pushing away any discussions of family or home and I grew increasingly depressed and sad and frustrated watching everyone else move on to other stages of life. When we finally started TTC 4 years ago… I had fertility issues and we needed to do ivf. This made my husband more anxious as he said we didn’t have money…we tried 1 transfer and after that he shut down conversations of more.[/quote]

Print out what you wrote and take it to a therapist. There are so many red flags in what you wrote I don't even know where to begin. [/quote]

Red flags about what? [/quote]

I mean the first red flag is that you were married to a man that had no interest in having a baby, but you don’t seem to have realized that until after you were married and even when you did, you didn’t end the marriage. I mean, you could have saved yourself 10 years with this fool, and the main question in therapy is “why did I stay with a person who so obviously didn’t want the same things in life?”   That isn’t just bad luck.  That was you accepting less for yourself for a long period of time u til he actually left you. In therapy, you should look at the beliefs you have that made you tolerate that instead of taking action. [/quote]

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