Reply to Not letting mother have a plus one to wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate weddings like this. Long divorced parents can't bring their significant others. No kids, no exceptions. Don't bring your same sex partner. Mixed race couple? You can come but we're seating you with some random co-workers and long lost cousins in the hallway.

It's their day and they can invite or exclude whoever they want but many of us enjoy weddings where there's love and generosity of spirit.[/quote]

Where was the love and generosity of spirit when it came time to traumatize BIL by breaking up his childhood home?

Generosity of spirit in this case is about recognizing that the choices of the parents had an adverse affect on their child, and that the parents can live with the consequences of the choice they made. Now that he’s marrying there’s going to be a lot of situations where they will get to live the consequences of their choices, like getting 1/3 Christmas instead of 1/2, etc. [/quote]

I guess you think it's better for someone to spend the rest of their life with a spouse who denigrates and dismisses them, cheats on them, hides money, and doesn't bother to spend any quality time with the kids.

THAT is much better than getting a divorce, I suppose. Because hey, guess what?!! You might get to sit next to that same pathetic excuse for a spouse at your kids' weddings some day!

Whee! Sign me up for that choice...

[/quote]

No?

I think — and it’s pretty well documented— that divorce is a major trauma for children. It can be done for all the right reasons and be ultimately the right decision and it will still be traumatic.

So if your child, now an adult, still has issues by the time they’re getting married, the parents who made the choice to divorce get to experience one of the obvious consequences of that choice and have to sit at a table with people they may not have preferred to for an event lasting up to six hours. I’m sorry that seems so unfair to you.[/quote]

Grow up, PP. You sound ridiculous. [/quote]

+ A Million.

Or should I say millions. Because that's how many people are children of divorce and have had NO "trauma" which lasts them well into adulthood. Not just here in the US but around the world.

I would say that for some people (perhaps PP?) if being the adult child of divorce is still "traumatic" and "unfair" then they have no clue how the vast majority of the world lives. And are missing fundamental human resiliency which most adults have. [/quote]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Divorce can be difficult and is also very commonplace. But vast numbers of COD are able to adjust and show resiliency to changing family patterns. If the BIL in this case is still traumatized and has big emotions about his parents' divorce and subsequent life choices, he should consider therapy. Or simply have a courthouse wedding and minimize the drama.[/quote]

Good point. I would add that if he is still this traumatized about his parents' divorce then he is NOT ready to be married. And his exclusionary, childish behavior about invitations demonstrates this.

If I were his soon-to-be bride I'd insist on therapy so he can resolve this prior to marriage. [/quote]

I mean, many soon to be brides would have been counseled by their parents that divorced parents (especially with ongoing drama) are a big red flag. She might be able to dodge a bullet here.[/quote]

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