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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I get it.  So much.  My story is very similar – SAHM and blindsided. I went back to work after many years, but make very little. I'm over 50, so I will never make up for that lost time, salary-wise.

Similarly, XH kept the vacation house and still takes the kids on the same sort of vacations we did as a family. The first vacation he took them on was one we had planned as a family before he walked out. And then he sent me pictures. Lovely. I haven't gone anywhere since he left. I have neither the time nor the money. It's just the way it is.

So many people have it far worse than we do. I get it.  It sounds ridiculous to so many.  But it was a pretty awful lesson to learn and it hurts.[/quote]

Gosh, also a SAHM who was blindsided, and my stbx kept the mountain house. (He told me I can use it whenever I want, but that seems too painful still, especially since I know he took his AP there. So all my stuff sits as I left it a year ago, as some kind of weird mausoleum.)

I am very lucky that for all his faults he offered me a lot. I have lifetime alimony and I even get to keep it if I cohabitate with someone some day. But it's a big change to live on a fixed income and I'm adjusting.

OP, travel is very important to me. I would try to still do the things you love, just differently/cheaper. I cut our NYC trip budget by more than half by staying in a motel (and earning points) with free breakfast, got the second cheapest tickets to all of our shows instead of the second most expensive, traveled coach on the train instead of business, etc. My kids just [I]love[/I] it when I give a Ted Talk on the all the ways I've "saved" money on the relatively expensive vacation we're still taking, haha. But also, those changes make barely any discernible difference in our overall experience and saved thousands of dollars. That's a good lesson for them.

For his part, stbx has taken the kids skiing out west, to Europe, and to NYC in the year since he left. He's definitely "Disney Dad"ing them out of guilt. He's also a fool who earns a ton of money but hasn't saved for college or retirement. Being away from him and the stress of his idiocy is profoundly healing.

When we went to NYC without him, my 15 year old said, "It's so much less stressful without dad!" And when he took them to Europe, they called me missing me and complaining about how boring it was, ha. We love being together. We watch movies and snuggle when we're together. But they don't miss him when they're not with him. And he's only taken them to the mountains twice in the year since he left me, because he would always go off and entertain himself and the kids and I would have fun doing a puzzle or playing a game. So my absence is felt too heavily, so he avoids it.

I know these are first world problems. I do spend time remembering that I am one of billions of creatures careening through the vast universe on a tiny pebble. Not getting to go to Europe with my kids is a small sacrifice indeed. I am so very blessed. I have my kids, and we are thoroughly bonded, and that's what matters.

And I'm saving towards my own trip to Europe. Because being kind to myself is important too.

I totally get it, OP. It hurts. As a SAHM whose whole life was my family, I felt like I was put on an ice floe and cast off. Like I was kicked out of my own life. But then I got my bearings and realized that my connection with my kids is what's important, not where we vacation or what we spend money on. I don't want them to be rich a-holes so I'm glad that they get to experience having a budget and saving for what you want.[/quote]

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