Reply to Am I a Terrible Daughter/Caregiver?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]According to the U. S. Department of Justice, "Signs of Neglect Include: Dehydration, malnutrition, UNTREATED BED SORES, and poor personal hygiene"

They also have this number for help listed:
Eldercare Locator helpline 1-800-677-1116

And whatever state you are in has a state ombudsman office - google "[State] elder care ombusdman" and they can provide help.

[/quote]

FYI, she is getting medical treatment for her bedsores. [/quote]

Your full of b.s. OP.  And you seem to be very skilled at deflecting any criticism, or outright lying, which does not bode well for you.

You said yourself, right up front, ""Is it terrible that I secretly hope her bedsores do not heal, [b]despite me taking care of them,[/b] and get infected, and that “does her in”?"

It's obvious you are tired of caring for your mother and are not giving her proper care because you hope she dies.

If that isn't elder abuse I don't know what is.

Imagine if a parent said, "I am so sick and tired of my kid's Type 1 diabetes. I'm not going to get professionals to care for them because I secretly hope they will die so I won't have to worry about it anymore. Am I a "bad mom"

Wouldn't that parent be rightfully charged with child neglect/abuse?  Well, guess what OP ... you are doing the same thing to your mother.

At some point your mother will indeed die. And if it happens while she is under your neglectful "care" I hope you get charged criminally. Because that's what you are.

People treat their dogs and cats better than you are treating your mother. [/quote]

OP here. For my peace of mind, I am doing all I can to take care of my mom. I am cleaning, and covering her bed sore. It is a lot, but I am doing it. I am not neglecting her. She cannot feed herself now, so I take care of that. She hurt her hand, so she needs me to help her  go to the bathroom because she cannot use her walker. BTW, this was the first time I had ever seen a bedsore. This is all new to me, and I am doing my best.

I am overwhelmed, like many caregivers in this country. I am an only child, and doing the best I can. I take her to her appointments in a wheelchair.  Her doctor knows me, as do the nurses in the office.

But this is draining. As soon as I try to take a catnap, she calls for me. I have to do her laundry everyother day. I feel guilty for looking forward to the freedom I will finaly have after altering my whole life for five years. I know I am not the only caregiver who shares these feelings.

I did not ask to take care of her, but [b]there were no other options[/b]. I am kind with her, but not very affectionate, because that just isn’t my personality.

When I mentioned I was loosing my temper, I do not yell at her, as I know that will startle her, but I do change the tone of my voice and tell I am doing the best that I can. It is frustrating, and I have to hide my tears.

Sorry if I am not the perfect caregiver in your eyes. I was just sharing my frustrations. I  do think the life my mother has now is just so sad. She cannot speak clearly, she is frail and has trouble recognizing the rest of my family.

[b]I will most likely place her in a memory care center by the end of the year. [/b]English is my mom’s second language, so that was also one of the reasons I delayed placing her. At this point though, it seems like the only option. [/quote]

Just about every single person who has responded has given you multiple options. Essentially, everyone has told you to get professional help for your mom NOW. Yet you refuse to acknowledge that and keep stonewalling.

All you are doing is taking a defensive attitude or whining about how hard it is but you won't take action to do the right thing and get professional help for your mom - whether at home or in a facility.

TBH, based on your description your mom may not make it to the end of the year. Which means she will probably die at home, in your care. At the very least why haven't you gotten hospice involved? They will come to your home.

Are you ready for that? When you go back and read this thread, with all the people telling you to get professional help to make her final days more comfortable, will you feel guilty? I know I would.

But you do you. You are good at deflecting so it probably won't be an issue for you. Good luck...[/quote]

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