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[quote=Anonymous]Where do you draw the line and decide that the past trauma and potential negative effects on adult child and grandchildren outweigh the societal or cultural expectations to care for the elderly, no matter what?

My father emotionally and sexuallly abused me, my mother neglected me and when she did pay attention, would criticize everything about me. I attempted suicide at age 15.

All I know is that I finally feel okay about my life after deciding to go low contact with them. But it is hard because it's easy to feel guilty, that I owe them something.

When people write that we owe it to our parents to care for them despite bad behavior, because they tolerated us as toddlers and teenagers -- I feel a twinge of guilt but then I remember how horrible my parents were and continue to be.

I agree it would be different if parents were loving when we were growing up, and are now irritable, annoying or mean because they have dementia or medical problems. But that is not all of us and it is not helpful to assert that we should respect and care for our parents despite a lifetime of abuse and neglect inflicted on us.

No need to respond. Every now and then I need to put in writing why I need to go low contact, because there will always be a pull to start helping out, becoming available to my parents-- but it is at such an emotional cost to me that I need to remind myself how the interactions always end.

Those who have never suffered abuse from your parents - you are blessed and hopefully you will never experience this kind of emotional pain.

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