Reply to At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes to paying for college and yes to contributing to a wedding.

Yes to helping with small costs after they graduate college- stay on family health plan, phone plan etc.

I would expect my children to be able to pay for their own living expenses. I don’t want to do anything that hinders their own agency and motivation.

I have seen too many of my friends who were supported financially fizzle and never amount to anything professional.

I will always be available in a crisis though. I want them know they have someone they can lean on, if need be. [/quote]

This has been our approach as well. We feel strongly that our kids need to live within their means. Friends who have given too much often yield kids who expect more at every stage and who are not able to live within their own means and save accordingly. [/quote]

+1  Agree with all of this.  I have a few friends, contributing to keeping their kids afloat to keep up with their peers in DC and NYC.  They give them monthly stipends so that they can live in better New York neighborhoods, have nice handbags, gym memberships  and buy them plane tickets so they can travel with the pack.  But I know they don’t have millions more for houses and weddings and grad schools for multiple kids.   These are the types of parents that scrape to pay for a liberal arts degree at expensive private schools and then smirk and say “we got undergrad, grad school is on them”.   Their mid twenties kids with Liberal Arts degrees and luke warm drive are not in high paying jobs, but they are snobby and entitled and immature.  They don’t want to take on debt, or grind to get ahead.   In this dubious scenario,  a rich spouse, from an even richer family, becomes the unspoken plan to save the day. This plan unravels quickly.  When your 28 year old is single, on their third low paying job, and still has three roommates - and you’re still buying the train tickets and gym membership and want to retire, it gets uncomfortable.  To independently support yourself in todays world - even for the solidly middle class, is not easy without the right credentials and circumstances.  It takes a lot of long term planning and grit - even more so for a single person.   MC/UMC Parents should not sugar coat how hard it is - and maybe the true plan should not be pretending to keep up, but being proudly independent where you can afford.  
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This is oddly specific. You know too much about OPP. My guess is you also revel in judging them. [/quote]

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