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Reply to "At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college? "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm seeking a sanity check on whether these things are reasonable. I'm most interested in hearing from people who are well off but not rich, with adult kids in their twenties who graduated from college without debt and have good jobs. 1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc? 2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it? 3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc? 4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities? 5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict? 6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too? [/quote] 1. How much does helping your 20-something kids affect your budget and retirement plans? [b]It didn't.[/b] I'm not as interested in hearing from people who have $10m or more, but from people still working and saving for retirement. Are you willing to keep working after 65 to be able to pay for grad school, weddings, down payments, etc? [b]No, but I didn't have to. All of these events occurred well before we turned 65, in fact we're not even 65 yet, and we covered all of this for all the kids before and after retiring early. [/b] 2. How do you resolve disagreements with your spouse about how much support to provide adult kids and at what cost? What would you do if your spouse were spending down assets on adult kids without your blessing, which you didn't give because you legitimately believe you couldn't afford it? [b]We haven't had these issues because we have generally always have had the same approach to helping the kids. The one difference of opinion I can think of was I was once more hesitant to provide the down payment to one of the kids, but really there was no reason not to and I came around quickly.[/b] 3. When your adult kid visits, do you cover 100% of the costs of their trip? For example, do you pay for their airline ticket, groceries, meals out, etc? [b]Our entire family is local, so this isn't an issue. But when we get together we typically cover the bulk of the cost. [/b] 4. When you vacation with your adult kids, do you also cover 100% of the costs? Not just the housing, but for example, do you pay for their round of golf, ski lift ticket, or other activities? [b]We don't vacation that way, but when we do vacation we'll cover the accommodations but not the airfare and we'll all chip in for everything else. [/b] 5. An adult kid who has graduated and is employed visits and makes their own plans. Is it reasonable for them to expect to be able to take your car while they visit? And if there is a schedule conflict? [b]We're all local, not an issue. But we lend our cars all the time.[/b] 6. Would you help with graduate school, law school, medical school, or an MBA if it required you to keep working later than planned? If you do it for one kid, do you need to do it for their younger siblings, too? [b]Again, we paid for all this already and still retired early, and we did it for all of them. [/b] OP, I don't know how old you are or how old your kids are or what kind of relationship you all have. And my impression is that your kids are spoiled. My advice would be to sit down with a financial advisor and sketch out your retirement with your spouse present and do it face to face. Then stick to your plan and your budget. But I would never in a million years agree to a plan that keeps you working after 65 for the benefit of further assisting your able-bodied kids. No way.[/quote]
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