Reply to Really sad about lack of relationship with brother and his family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like your brother isn’t actively rejecting you, but he’s also not showing up in the way you hoped. People can say they value closeness but still fail to act on it. It may be useful to name this as a pattern, not a one-time event. That allows you to meet him more realistically, (at least in your head and from a place of figuring things out) not from the place of the vision you had.
If you're thinking of writing an email or calling:
Know your intention. Do you want to be heard? Create change? Set a boundary? Clarify your needs?
Be prepared for the possibility that he may not respond as you'd hope. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t express yourself—but it’s worth protecting your expectations.

Ask yourself:
-What has he actually shown me he’s capable of offering? 
-How does that compare with what I need in a close sibling relationship?

Decide What You Need Right Now. “Do I need to express my hurt?” “Do I need clearer boundaries around how much I chase this?”
“Do I need to stop hoping for something different and grieve what isn’t?” You don’t have to choose either total disconnection or pouring yourself out again. You might instead choose a connection that expects less and protects your emotional energy.

Where else can you build community and connection for yourself and your child?
Are there friends, cousins, neighbors, or parent groups who can offer the presence and mutuality you’ve been craving?

[/quote]

OP here. usually the first post isnt the best but thanks, this is really helpful. and to clear up some other things- i always go to their house and do the drive because its bigger and they have a yard. Maybe a handful of times we have met in the middle over the past 3 years. My brother has been to my place 2x and my SIL never. They also have a 2 year old so the age difference with the kids isnt a thing. Id be fine with once a month, Im not looking for weekly. I have a great community. It really hit me once a few weeks ago when i thought i might possibly need a few hours of help with my kid when daycare closed unexpectedly and i had a dr appt. I came up with 4 other friends who could help me out without even thinking about my brother- who was off work, close by, and had an extra car seat in his car with his kid in daycare. Like thats the thing- im also busy and have friends and connections, but I want to prioritize time with them when I can; its just clear they dont want to and that's what makes me sad. [/quote]

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