Reply to 19yo DD failed her freshman year and now is at home refusing to work or go to school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Here- We don’t want it to get to the point of having her kicked out of the house or stop supporting her financially. But she doesn’t want any help and won’t acknowledge the drinking problem. Naturally she’s super bright which is why she lucked out and got into a better college than we thought she would with her high SAT score. She went to class but didn’t do a lot of the work so I know she was trying but struggling. She told me she physically felt like she couldn’t just sit down and do it. She’d be in class and everyone would be working on an assignment but she’d just always feel the need to push it off and didn’t have energy to do it. She did the easier assignments but still failed cause they only made up a smaller portion of her grade in each class. The main reason she’s says she doesn’t want job is because she is very fearful/anxious of bad things that happen in the world so she’s afraid of experiencing something bad at work like crime, assault, violence, abuse, etc. She needs therapy but won’t attend. She’s always been ambitious and loved learning but never really was fond about having to work. DH and I are on the same page with this and looking for solutions.[/quote]

Oh no. I don't want to scare you, but I have a sibling like this (very bright, came home, self-medicated with alcohol, fearful).

He died at age 47 from liver failure. He never left home, and never worked. His life was a complete tragedy.

My parents enabled his dysfunction and thought they were being kind by being soft with him.

This kind of person needs psychological support, and needs strict boundaries so they feel pressure to work to support themselves. She needs a job, even PT. Do NOT allow her to not work because she is afraid of things -- it makes her fears seem legitimate, but they aren't. Life involves taking small risks every day.

Do not tolerate dysfunction. You need to push her to be functional, or she will continue to spiral down.

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