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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Even though there are rare forms of personality disorders that make patients deliberately put on displays that are not what they truly feel, the immense majority of people do not do this, OP.

What you saw was probably what she was genuinely feeling.

My wild guess is that this person is on the autism spectrum and cannot control the inappropriate responses that she has, because her brain lacks the universal frame of social reference that non-autistic people use without realizing it. She probably thought you had invited her to harangue her further.

You should not feel bad and there's very little you can do about it, since her feelings are out of your control. You were not abusive in pointing out certain inappropriate behaviors, and she cannot help having the feelings and reactions that she has.

The best you can do is continue living your life. When communicating with her, you should have a gentle tone of voice, and never look angry or upset: if you're upset over something else, she can think you're upset at her. But you do need to use direct language - not accusatory or aggressive - instead of circumlocution, so she clearly understands what you're telling her.

This is what I do with my autistic relatives.

[/quote]

This is hysterical. [/quote]

PP you replied to. Yes, why don't you scoff at my lived experience. Very kind of you.

The bottom line is that OP's mother can't help herself. She will never change. All OP can do is reduce contact and tell her mother when she's behaving inappropriately. But she cannot get dragged to her level by being emotional herself. She needs to be the adult in the relationship.

[/quote]

That’s not the only response to cut off behavior — some people are embarrassed about something that I’m not. Or I feel strongly about something that others don’t care about. A lot of the answers might change depending on “the crime.” I wasn’t embarrassed about my kids when they went out looking like fools because I don’t think it reflects on me. OP can change her mind on anything she wants to. We all have agency. [/quote]

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