Reply to Need help for older teen DS who has explosive temper tantrums

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[quote=Anonymous]Anxiety and perfectionism, depression, and the hormones of adolescence can lead to explosive behavior even in normal teens.

A lot of unresolved psychological issues create turbulence in adolescence, so any grief and sense of abandonment from losing his dad is going to be in the mix, too.

When he’s in the middle of the tantrum, remove yourself. Say something like, “It’s not okay for you to speak to me disrespectfully like this. I love you, and we can talk when you are calmer.”

Leave the room. Don’t engage and don’t escalate.

When he is calmer, ask him questions about what was going on and how he can address he feelings in a different way.

Lack of sleep really exacerbates loss of control and temper tantrums, and unfortunately most teens are living in constant sleep deprivation.

You do sound like you’re a bit anxious yourself, and in the example you gave it sounds like he went along with something he didn’t really want to do to make you happy but then let his resentment explode.

This is immaturity on his part. Let him make as many decisions about college as possible. Let him take the consequences of not planning.

You can say something like, I was trying to be helpful, but it sounds like you’d rather handle this on your own.

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