Reply to Advice on Two River PCS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’ve come to the (somewhat sobering) realization that the best environment for our kids is one with a very narrow range of academic abilities, minimal exposure to trauma, and [b]few—if any—single-parent households[/b]. For us, that also means avoiding situations where teachers and classmates are frequently managing unresolved behavioral or social-emotional challenges, including some of the more difficult or disruptive neurodivergences.

I fully respect that the public system must educate and support every child, and I believe in that mission. But we also had to be honest about what works best for our own children’s learning and well-being. For us, that meant finding a school where those kinds of distractions are almost nonexistent, so the focus stays on rigorous academics and a calm, orderly classroom environment.[/quote]

YIKES[/quote]

I am unclear why the PP's preference for two-parent households is any more "yikes" than their preference for kids who are neurotypical, have not been exposed to trauma, and who have are mostly at or above grade level academically.

And I'm not judging. I totally get where this person is coming from and there are days when I feel this way too. The thing for me is that I grew up with a lot of trauma and definitely had unresolved social emotional issues as a kid, and maybe neurodivergence as well. So I'm never going to to choose my kids school to avoid people like that, because that's me -- I will never not have a place in my heart for those kids even as I'm raising my kid to not have to BE one of those kids. But I also understand why other parents seek to avoid kids like this, even as it breaks my heart because it makes me think about how often I was rejected by other family's growing up and didn't really even understand why. I didn't know that I was problematic because it was all I knew. I didn't get that until I was adult and then retrospectively understood why sometimes I never got invited back to a classmates house, or why I was excluded from certain communities.

But the idea that wanting to avoid kids from single-parent households is over the line, but wanting to avoid kids with other kinds of problems is understandable ignores the fact that no kid chooses any of that. It just happens to you. You're a child. [/quote]

The real problem isn’t the kids themselves — it’s that so many public schools have been turned into all-purpose social welfare centers, special-ed admin hubs, and accommodation machines for every conceivable circumstance, often at the expense of academic rigor and sound pedagogy. “Equity” becomes the justification for lowering expectations instead of lifting everyone up.

If you’re a parent looking at this landscape, you perhaps — and not always quickly — come to realize you can’t expect the system to transform or get better resourced within the time frame your own children will be in school. So, if you have the means, you look for schools that don’t face the same intense social, demographic, and accommodation pressures. That might mean moving into a well-resourced, insulated district — though those aren’t perfect either, and some of the most privileged parents are also the most aggressive about demanding special treatment for their children. If you don’t have the “look” or social capital to pull the same strings, you may find yourself shut out.

The other route is private school — especially those that are candid about what they can’t accommodate. Some parochial schools are upfront: they don’t have the resources for certain high-needs populations, and direct those families to specialized schools instead. This often results in an environment where the basic business of teaching can proceed without constant disruption.

What many of us really want is simply a school that functions normally — the way many did in the 1980s. In too many classrooms today, instructional time is dominated by managing “bold” needs: Did Eddie get his accommodations? Did Susan take her medication? Does Parker need a separate room for his test? How do we handle Lily’s emotional blow-up? Each situation may be valid in isolation, but taken together they consume enormous time and attention.

We don’t get a second chance to give our kids a strong education. That’s why many of us remove them from environments where these dynamics prevail — not because those kids are the problem, but because the system’s response to their needs has made it nearly impossible for everyone else to get the education they deserve.

And yes — if you were one of those kids, and you still remember the sting of isolation, exclusion, or even outright mistreatment, then this reality lands differently. It can feel personal in a way that’s hard to separate from your own history. But as a parent, you also understand the urgency — you can hold compassion for those kids and still know you have to protect your own child’s one shot at a solid education.[/quote]

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