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[quote=Anonymous]Didn't we all answer this 3 weeks ago?

OP, the worst of all options is an informal separation, especially with you leaving (abandoning) the home. Mainly, this gives him 6 weeks to start planning the divorce and getting miles ahead of you with hiding assets and starting his legal strategy to go after YOU for custody.

I advised you to see a lawyer quietly now for advice on whether to get a job, whether to file for divorce and when, and what is the likely outcome.

You had better assume on paper and as far as minimizing child support, he's going to ask for Full custody (to scare you) and at the least he'll negotiate for 50% (minimize CS).

You can ask for 100% custody, but unless he wants to give it to you (he probably won't), none of these complaints are going to go anywhere.

Maybe if had an arrest record, DUIs, documented drug overdoses, you have a chance. But he provides well and you want him to do more childcare and pay more attention to you? You are going to make zero impact with that tactic.

That's why you need to speak to an attorney. Suggesting this temporary separation is a foolish idea that's going to mean you lose badly in the end.

You need sound legal advice on whether you are ready to file for divorce. Do you have all the paperwork copied and secured off-site that a PP listed? If not, you're not even ready to talk to an attorney.

Do you have access to all checking accounts, credit cards and bill paying? If not, you're going to tip your hand if you suddenly start insisting on access.

As I said 3 weeks ago, you have a choice of problems for the next 15 years. Suck it up, stop thinking things are going to change, be glad he's earning enough to pay the bills, seek some outlets for you alone to find some peace and joy in everyday life. Accepts he's going to be a loser husband and parent and stop expecting anything from him and just do it all yourself (like you would with 100% custody) and don't walk around angry.

File for divorce, probably come out on the short end financially, probably move to a crappy apartment that costs as much as your mortgage, lose a ton of any savings to attorney fees (could easily be 100K with a big fight), hope to get 50% custody, potentially lose half the time seeing the kids, worry if he's treating them ok, be ready for a new girlfriend to move in, maybe a new baby coming along, prepare for 15 years of court fighting, work full time and barely make enough to pay some basic bills.

Those are your 2 choices for sets of problems.

What you need to do is stop thinking if you say or do this or that, he might change. Couples Counseling? Sure, but I'll bet there's a 99% chance he refuses and if he even goes, he won't do it in good faith. You've gotten yourself into a bad marriage and had 2 extra kids after 4 years of warning from the 1st kid.

And repeat, do NOT do a stupid separation. That's like saying I was going to get a step ahead of you and file for a surprise divorce, but now I'm going to give you warning so that you can file for a surprise divorce on me, and get a mile ahead of me  in the nasty divorce game.

Realize you have no good options and you need to think carefully then pick one.

I also sense some boundary issues with your oldest. I suspect you are using her as an ally and emotional support. Very damaging. And set up the boundary that you get to use your bathroom and shower alone. She will be fine sitting in her room with mean daddy working upstairs. I think she is picking up that she gets attention from you when she cries about daddy being mean. There is a fine line here of supporting her and turning this into a very unhealthy dynamic between you and her. You probably also need a counselor who can give you parenting advice for dealing with difficult situations.[/quote]

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