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Reply to "Unequal inheritance and sibling relationships"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My siblings and I were recently informed that we will each get $100K and our two half siblings (same mom) will split the rest of the estate (about $10M). My mother and stepfather married when I was five and had two children together. We all lived in the same house together (not in the same state ans my father but we visited him regularly). Our father passed away suddenly and tragically a couple of years ago and we will receive an inheritance from him, but nothing mindblowing. No sibling issues because no one was consulted but WTAF?[/quote] You were so young when you began livng in the household with mom and stepdad. How old was your sibling? Spepfather deceased? 10m to half siblings and what amount to your mom? She had 4 kids , 2 from each DH, so what happens upon her demise? [b]As a child etc were you and sibling under a Cinderella Effect? Gifts, tuition? [/b] [/quote] Both mother and stepfather are still living. If he dies first, mother lives off of trust income until her death and then the money goes to the kids. Up to 18, stepfather and father split private school tuition and father paid for trips to visit him and I believe provided some child support, covering medical expenses, etc and I am not sure what else. Once 18, father paid for tuition and gave spending money. Stepfather gave smaller amount of spending money through undergrad and grad school. After grad school, no financial support from any parents (I didn't expect or ask for any). My father did pay for family vacations and things like that and gave money for holidays--very normal, IMO, for adult children. Half siblings have received financial support in adulthood from stepfather for more daily/regular expenses (rent, car stuff, etc). My mom left my dad for my stepdad, i.e., he basically took another man's family away. My father was extremely involved in our lives in every sense, despite living a flight away. Things seemed normal until 18 in the home with mom and stepdad. Stepdad was always a loving and involved parent. Starting at 18, financial disparity grew and was transferred to the grandkids. Much less involvement and very little in the way of financial gifts/support (token gifts for holidays only) for the children of the stepkids. They recently discussed the estate plan with all 5 children (the 3 of us stepchildren and my two half siblings). They seemed to think it was all normal and fair because our father left us money when he died (we won't get most of it until my stepmom dies). Mom and stepdad act like it's all one big happy family. They seriously have not acknowledged that this might be a slight. Also, they asked me to be executor before disclosing the terms and I agreed. So, I have a job to do -- manage their estate and make sure the real kids get all the money. I am letting the situation die down for now, but will likely hand off this responsibility soon by telling them it makes more sense for one of the others to do it. [/quote] It sounds like your stepfather was very generous to you throughout your childhood and early adulthood. In addition, you’re inheriting money from your father. Your siblings aren’t going to get that money from your father. This arrangement seems fair to me. You seem pretty entitled. I do agree that if you don’t want to be the executor, you should tell them to name someone else[/quote] Fair enough. Just really puts everything in black and white to have the person you thought of as your second father leave you 1% of his estate. It's more about defining the relationship after 45 years in those stark terms than anything. I think if it were that the 3 stepchildren each got 10% and the others 35% each or something like that, it would feel fair and not like a rejection. It's not like we will be getting millions from our dad and are just looking for extra funds so we can get gold toilets. It's the principle, but yes, I see your perspective. They also asked me to be the health decisions power of attorney person, so they have decided I am the most reliable "child," but that 1% is what they want to go with. [/quote]
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