Reply to Do "open marriages"/ENM/poly arrangements every really prove happy and stable over the longer term?

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Reply to "Do "open marriages"/ENM/poly arrangements every really prove happy and stable over the longer term?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I think something monogam-ish seems most stable long term. Lets you prioritize your marriage/relationship but also not expect one person to meet every need forever. Allows you to chase a crush once in a while until it naturally ends which most do. And probably is closest to what “successful” marriages have actually looked like for most of history. Though I’d prefer honesty (with respectful discretion) over lying/looking the other way. [/quote]

Agree. I think there has to be an acknowledgment that even deeply devoted partners will sometimes be attracted to others, have crishes on others, flirt a bit... and this is normal and okay, as long as it is coupled with a deep commitment to the primary partner. And I think there has to be some scope for forgiveness of occasional lapses. But they should be viewed as lapses.

Absolutely agree monogamy is of course no guarantee of happiness. In *theory* some form of poly or openness could work out well for all concerned for the long haul. But in practice, since most humans ar not super evolved, not super self-aware and not super good at communicating, adding more people to the mix seems like just multiplying the odds of hurt and anger all around.

I mean: a pretty good open marriage or poly situation is better than a terrible monogamous marriage. But I would sure rather have a pretty good monogamous marriage than a pretty good poly situation. For me it is not an ethical thing. It is partly just the way I am wired. I like being part of a committed couple, which doesn't mean I don't get crushes: they are just not more important to me than the live I have built and continue to built with with a man I love. And it is partly the conviction that people being people, ENM usually blows up.[/quote]

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