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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Aren't all people different? Fact they are your kids doesn't change that everyone's nature differs.  There's no raising the kid with gratitude and caring after you when you're old or uber responsible one.  Sorry but you can't teach kindness.  Not the kind that's sincere.  Being grateful you can teach but not same as kindness.

I have a DS 16 who I was born sweet.  There is no person who disagrees with that whether he's friends with them or not.  He has zero enemies even if he's not the popular kid.  Adults and teachers love him, animals fricking love him. The only person in our family our cats love most. He is just that person who will literally not kill a bug! He will take a gross huge as spider outside v killing it! We did not teach him this.  He is the first to help us unload dishes, the first to volunteer for service at school. Really - you think we taught him any of this?

His sister is sharp as a whip and funny.  More popular and a straight A student. 2 kids same home.  This girl would be the first to save herself! No amount of teaching her or whatever her experience of being our kid or whatever made her this way.  She was born this way and I really feel she needs to go into business cause she's ruthless and edgy and will hunt to kill anything she wants! But no, I have zero expectation of her taking care of us more than she really needs to as it's not in her nature.

Of course she may help us and she loves us but it's not the same kind of love my son has.  He will be there for family in a way she never will.  I do not love her less but I accept that it's her nature.  She's very much like my parents really.  She can't help who she is.  She'll be wildly successful and make all the right practical decisions but shes not perfect.

You have to manage expectations that nobody is perfect and really, we all need to be advised to find the means to take care of ourselves or at least accept that nobody is responsible for us.  In my culture, you're raised with the burden to care for your elders and that's really what it would be - a BURDEN unless it comes from the heart - and that's a luck thing with who your family are. [/quote]

Some of it is nature, some of it is nurture.  What role are you playing in this?[/quote]

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