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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I remember one night in a very bad patch in my marriage, I had gotten up from bed to use the bathroom. I was very quiet to not wake my husband, but when I got back in bed I guess I did. He angrily rolled over, flipped his pillow, and said “Jesus F’ing Christ”. Not loudly, but low and with contempt. I sat bolt upright and just looked at him, then left the room and slept in the guest room.

The next morning he was making breakfast and I calmly sat down and told him he was never to talk to me that way again. He sort of blew me off, until I walked over and stood directly in front of him, admittedly confrontational, but kept my voice calm and said “you may not swear at me in our bed. If you need to communicate that way I will leave”. And I meant it. There was something so insidious and cutting about him using that language in the dark cocoon of our bedroom, I thought, I’d feel safer sleeping alone if that’s how it’s going to be.

It took some years for things to improve. He’s a somewhat emotionally stunted man and can lack emotional generosity. But I think the best thing that came from me standing up for myself was that he learned where the line was. He didn’t cross it again.

OP this doesn’t address the cheating, which is a whole other ball of wax, and of course connected to the behavior. But at a bare minimum, what you can do now is decide where your boundaries are and enforce them. Calmly and intentionally. Protecting your sense of self won’t make your husband a better man, but will make you a better model for your kids.[/quote]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply. Looking back was it worth all the effort?[/quote]

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