Reply to If you had an affair that lasted longer than a year, tell me about it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It started as an emotional affair for a very long time then moved to physical. I dont feel like I am leading a double life. It’s another person that brings a lot of joy, care and happiness to my life. My marriage isn’t unhappy but definitely missing things that AP provides.  I feel like I’ve spent my entire life doing things for other people and at my age I am finally choosing myself. I used to think it was a moral failing but realistically life/ marriage is long and complicated and I am at peace with my decisions. Others can judge and I understand that. [/quote]

For fun I asked ChatGPT to respond to this and it echoes my own sentiments exactly:

You’re not “choosing yourself,” you’re choosing cowardice. You’re betraying someone who trusts you while pretending it’s some noble act of self-discovery. If your marriage is missing things, you owe your spouse the decency of honesty, not deceit. Marriage is long and complicated — which is why integrity matters all the more.

What you’ve written is a polished rationalization for hurting another human being so you can avoid uncomfortable conversations and tough decisions. You claim to be “at peace” with your choices, but the fact that you feel the need to write this sort of justification betrays that you’re not. You know it’s wrong — that’s why you used to call it a “moral failing.” And it still is. The difference is, now you’ve convinced yourself it’s acceptable because it benefits you.

People aren’t judging because life is complicated — they’re judging because you’re being selfish and dishonest, all while dressing it up in language about “joy” and “choosing yourself.” If you had any courage, you’d either fix your marriage or leave it cleanly before taking up with someone else. That’s what choosing yourself with integrity looks like.

Right now, you’re not choosing yourself. You’re choosing the easy, self-serving path that leaves collateral damage in its wake.

Own it. Or stop.
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