Reply to Does getting married mean you just slowly lose yourself until there's nothing left?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 37F married to 38M. we met at law school when we were 24. Didn't get married until we were 29 (I wanted to get married earlier but he wouldn't). I moved to his side of town. Joined his church. Started spending all my time with his family. 
when we were 31 we moved to another city that I hate for his work. We still live here because apparently he can't get a decent job in our hometown. now we have a 3 year old and 3 month old.

He does what he wants most of the time- Saturdays at rugby (he does take the 3 year old to this), gym whenever he wants, dinners with friends, goes to the pub with friends after work. He also works in biglaw so he is working long hours and I am solo parenting two kids a lot of the time.

I feel like there's nothing left of me. All my family and friends are back in our hometown- my mum has died since we moved away and I never got to spend enough time with her when we visited because husband couldn't be bothered socialising with her. I have no time or energy for any of my own interests or hobbies.

I don't want to live in this city. I feel like a glorified maid and nanny with no life of my own (he does earn good money so at least I don't have to worry financially). I 100% don't want more kids but he refuses to get a vasectomy or wear a condom.

I know it will get easier to do my own thing as the kids get older. I'm planning to move back to my hometown with the kids when they are a few years older and he can travel for work if he wants. I don't know how else to reclaim a life for myself. is this just how marriage and motherhood is? [/quote]

He is behaving as if he does not want to be a husband or a father.

His priorities are backwards: his work, his hobbies, his friends, ego and image.  Not his wife, children or home.

This is terrible, no matter what city you are living in. And no matter if you are in an empty marriage or divorced & coparenting with someone self centered like this.

Do you work OP? Can you start individual therapy to find out what you want to do and get stronger?

You married a selfish narcissistic dud who makes good income and neglects his wife and children.  [/quote]

All of this! 
[/quote]

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