Reply to Approaching husband for amicable divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look, I think a lot of women tend to exaggerate the lack of safety of their kids with their DH and have a catastrophic view that joint custody would be horrific. You have not described anything that makes him sound abusive, just periodically unpleasant. Which your kids have to deal with whether or not you live together.  I’m not some kind of MRA but have been through it myself.

You have described multiple very good reasons to divorce but you need to get your head out of the sand and accept the kids will stay with him sometimes and it may not be ideal but it will be OK.

Depending on what kind of person he is, it is possible that he would voluntarily agree to a less than 50% custody schedule - like 2-3 nights a week that you ramp up to. 
[/quote]

No. I was the OPs kid in this exact scenario. When they divorced, my mother got 100% custody and father visitation and life was so much better for us kids. [/quote]

I’m the lawyer above. Times have changed. The presumption in most states is joint custody, a number even specifically specify 50 /50 time. Personally I believe the old way was mostly better - eg the primary caretaker before the divorce should remain the primary caretaker afterwards. But that’s not the law these days [/quote]

I am aware, my family has several family law attorneys (not in VA). OPs best course of action would be if she knows him well enough to get him to agree to give her full custody. In my state this is realistic and possible and my friend managed to do it last year by essentially agreeing to financial terms that were far more favorable to the other parent than they otherwise would have been. There are quite a few parents who change their tune about wanting 50/50 when the financial implications change.

However it is hard to tell how OPs spouse would respond. I think it’s worth broaching the subject because living with a parent like her DH is a horrible experience.[/quote]

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