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[quote=Anonymous]I agree that you may need medication for post postpartum depression.  My sister went through that and it was rough.

As for your son - Just something to think about:  My oldest is now 22.  When he was in second grade, one of the school psychologist recommended that he be evaluated for "Oppositional Defiant Disorder".  Or whatever the term is.  I took him to several doctors.  One of them told me that he thought the diagnosis was a bunch of nonsense and that I would see his so-called "disorder" disappear once I stopped looking for a label and approached the issue appropriately. He told me that my son was a strong-willed child who needed absolute boundaries and immediate and painful (not physically painful, unclench your butts) consequences every single time he crossed the line. I fought that for several months, after all, I had seen one of the best child psychiatrists in the area.  He had given me the diagnosis after lots of evaluation.  And he had a given me a treatment plan.

The treatment plan included medication and therapy.  We got no results.  I fell back on the other recommendation and started taking control of my child's behavior.  I accepted responsibility for my part in allowing him to act out.  And I started enforcing absolutely rules and consequences with no wiggle room.  Within six months, I had a different child.  He was still strong willed.  He still pushed the limits, but not nearly as often.  I had to stay on top of him all the way till about the 11th grade.  He is now a senior in college.  He's never been in any kind of trouble.  And he is on a full ROTC scholarship.

My point is this.  Don't be too quick to accept the diagnosis.  There are many doctors who believe we have invented labels to explain perfectly natural behavior.  It's not acceptable for your child to refuse to pick up a towel.  However, if he has been allowed to do so, you can't really blame him.  You've made this a battle.  At this point, you have to choices - Let it go.  Pick up the towel and realize it isn't a hill worth dying on.  Or (and this is what I would do), tell your son that since he can't pick up his towel on his own, you will supervise him while he dries off.  He doesn't leave the bathroom until he hangs up the towel.  He will HATE that.  If he wants privacy, he'll learn to pick up his towel.

You asked specifically about meals - If he doesn't eat his supper, he won't starve.  Let him go to bed hungry a few nights.  Take away his power.  He knows this upsets you.  So don't let it upset you. Eat your supper with your baby and your DH in peace.  But don't give your son so much as a cracker if he gets hungry.  No fruit.  No snacks.  Nothing.  For a few weeks, only prepare meals that you know he likes so that you don't have to worry about the reason he isn't eating - You want to make sure this is a power struggle and not a food issue.

If he is shaking the playpen, then clearly he doesn't need to be in the room.  Send him to his room.  Ignore the tantrums.  Ignore the screaming.  When my son was 12, his behavior escalated to the point of near violence.  We took everything out of his room except his mattress and clothing.  No television, no games, no electronics, to toys, no books.  He had nothing but a mattress, his blankets and a pillow.  And of course, his schools stuff.  He had to slowly earn back his privileges.  He earned everything back in about two months.  About a year later, he acted out again and I took his television.  He came back with "you can't take my television, I bought it with MY money!".  I agreed with him.  I let him keep his television.  But I cut the power to his room.  He was in the dark for about two weeks.  He had to do his homework downstairs because he had no power at all in his room (his room was upstairs and I was able to cut his power without affecting any other rooms).

When he was 16, he came home 10 minutes after curfew.  I took his keys for a week.  It sucked for me because I had to drive him to school every day.  But with a strong-willed child you cannot make exceptions.   The message has to be :  You choose the behavior, You choose the consequence.  Pick logical consequences for each act.  And be willing to follow through every single time.

Don't give up!  Take care of yourself first. Remember the logic of putting on your oxygen mask before helping others?  You can't fix this unless you are healthy.  Good Luck!  You sound like a very loving mother.  You can do it![/quote]

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