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[quote=Anonymous]My husband earns a similar salary. I do consider him a relatively high earner and I earns decent salary but not as much. I will tell you it’s shocking to me that it really doesn’t go as far as you think. We are happy and comfortable but it’s not an enough money to just throw at every problem when you have multiple kids and a mortgage. Also outsourcing is not the solution that people make it seem like unless you really don’t care about a lot of things, like the cleaning person, who came recommended and you pay well, destroying your ultrasound pictures and damaging your favorite table. Stuff like that happens, and you pay a ton and they cancel and want to come inconvenient times. But of course money helps.

No marriage is perfect and no husband is perfect. This is all more about fit than one person being good or bad. It’s about what you want your life to be like. There are lots of different kinds of high paying jobs with different downsides. My husband periodically just disappears into work and will be unavailable the entire weekend. I hate it, but other times he is available and can go on field trips etc. I just never know when the disappearing is going to happen. Other jobs like physicians have regular but long hours. I would try to see what some of the people at his work about 10 years older than him are like. Are they all divorced? It’s pretty remarkable in some fields.

It’s also really hard to know what life is like with kids before. I think it’s smart to think about how he handles stress, how he problem solves, the lifestyle he is used to/expects and how much his job is a part of his identity. You guys will need to adapt when you have kids. In a lot of marriages, especially when there is a financial imbalance, the man doesn’t feel the need to adapt much or at all so the woman has to figure that out on her own. That is hard and lonely. [/quote]

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