Reply to Teen didn't do anything for Mother's Day

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dh did nothing.  Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant.  My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min.  My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet.   She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance.  Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago.  She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs.  I'm so sad.  [/quote]

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad?  Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day?  You seem like you're looking for a problem.[/quote]

You misread the entire post.  Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned.  Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card.  (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card.  'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about.  My family did nothing and lied to my face.  Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up.  They literally did nothing - except the younger one.[/quote]

Not PP, but you're old enough to set your own expectations and announce what you want for that day. I do not expect anything from my family on Mother's Day, apart from my husband's flowers - because *he* loves flowers and therefore will always remember them, ha!!! I cook my favorite foods, and tell someone else to clean up, because it's how I want the day to go. We usually go for a nice walk. It's also how I celebrate my birthday!

I do not expect my teen and young adult to make cards - sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, if they do it's always last-minute. I don't expect them to remember on their own. We all have ADHD. At their age, I didn't remember either, and my father would give a last-minute gift to my mother (usually jewelry in her favorite colors).

Your teen lied to you because they sensed your disappointment. Stop expecting something they can't give, it's going to make everyone miserable, including yourself.

[/quote]

Maybe, but a lie is a lie.  Dh lied too once the other one said 'we planned this yesterday'.  Honestly it's not too much to ask for them to tell the truth.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't realize this would upset you.  Please let me help with dinner." But I suppose you would this I'm expecting too much because I'm a woman and have feelings, which are only supposed to be positive.  Honestly I've never forgot Christmas, Easter, valentines, birthdays Thanksgiving.  Yet I'm suppose to live being a servant without thanks.  I get it.[/quote]

It's bad they lied. But we're sensing that your passive-aggressiveness has something to do with it, that's why several posters have countered your whining.

Change yourself. Speak up. Announce that on this day you want to do such and such (and make it really basic and easy to attain, otherwise you're setting them up for failure). If you cannot understand your own role in your misery, no one can help you - you'll just be doomed to complain all your life. And if you do that, you can say goodbye to eldercare and visits. Your children won't want to help you.

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