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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe the relationship isn't like that, but I would expect DH to just say - "We would love to have you here, but it would need to be to help. We are overwhelmed right now and could really use help to do X, Y, Z. If that works for you, please come to help. Otherwise, we will need to postpone the visit, and a hotel may be a better fit."

Are there really non-narcissistic parents who expect to be waited on when there is a newborn? [/quote]

No need to even say all these things. It is insulting and mean. Seems like sel-focused white culture kind of thing.

Be gracious, welcome them warmly and let DH do the best he can by doing it himself or outsourcing.

Why do you have to be condescending and spell it out to the ILs? Of course you have had a kid and no one is expecting you to so anything.

Outsource what you can. [/quote]

PP here. What? That is the whole issue - that the in laws aren’t helping. So her DH does need to spell it out or it will just be a long passive aggressive visit.  I’m a big fan of being clear and not expecting people to read my mind. (And I’m not white, btw.) [/quote]

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