Reply to DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No offense, but what's your plan?   You're obviously resentful and irritated which is completely understandable.  But are you going to do anything about it or just continue to live this way? [/quote]

I can’t do anything about him. He’s shown that he doesn’t give a s—t. I guess it leaves me with the choice of do everything and not complain, or make the choice to leave.

It’s hard to entertain the latter [b]because I’d be disrupting my kids’ lives and my financial future for what would appear to be no good reason.[/b] [b]I’d never go around telling people I left DH because he was lazy and selfish about his time. Wish I could.[/b][/quote]

And there it is. You've made your choice- you don't need our help then. Martyrdom must be your colour.

OP, it's a good reason. You are devaluing yourself and your children, as based on your description he is not stepping up for you OR them.

Counselling if he cares to do the work. Getting your ducks in order for divorce if not. And I'd ask him how many times he'd ever stepped up for you when you were ill. I'd then put him on blast that I'll be documenting the pattern here about how many times he is 'sick but miraculously able to do the fun stuff' if he is unaware, in order to help him become more self aware. Also mention the math of the fact that you are DOING IT ALL when he is not around (not his fault- he is literally not there). Then let him know that when he acknowledges the plan, the next step is if he cares to change it.

Not sure how well you get along with his MIL or how close you are but with mine, If I needed an assist for understanding how DH processed something, I'd be describing/letting her see the behaviour and asking for her .02 for where the hell it came from (lazy dad? maybe she thinks this is normal for men if she married a loser too and won't be able to help or tell him to man up?) and why he would be doing this. If she is close/cares about the grandkids I'd approach from that angle- that they are missing out too and he's setting a bad example of partnership, reliability, responsibility and respect. Ie if you have boys he will turn them into shiftless losers too, and if you have girls, both of you will be teaching them this is totally normal to expect zero functionality from men.

-wife who travels a lot for work and my husband's the secret for how I appear to be getting it all done. (When I'm home, I'm home and managing half the domestic front but when I'm out of town he does 100% of the work with all the kids pick ups/drop offs/homework/activities, sports coaching volunteer work and pets/household plus his own full time job. AND DOES NOT COMPLAIN). Honestly, when I come back after travel, I'm tired, but my priority is nesting, reclaiming my home, taking the workload off him and being thankful for his hard work.[/quote]

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