Reply to Help me learn what to think during major tantrums

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is really abnormal. In my kids special needs school no kids were hitting at this age. You need an actual evaluation.[/quote]
At five? Nope, not abnormal. It's possible OP's kid needs an eval but nothing she describes raises a red flag for me for this age (former preschool/kindergarten teacher).

There is of course a wide range of "hitting" and there is some hitting that would make me immediately recommend an evaluation, but usually the issue is a tantrum that lasts unusually long and especially where the hitting is all the time and cannot be stopped. OP hasn't described that. It sounds like there is occasional hitting among siblings during disputes and that OP's main concern is that she is highly triggered by the hitting when it happens and it provokes a highly emotional and sometimes violent response in her. That's a super common problem, especially for parents who were hit or screamed at as kids.[/quote]

Except that you're not a psychologist, PP. What you see in your classrooms is undiagnosed kids coming through, along with the ones whose behavior will naturally resolve. At that age it's nearly impossible for a layperson to differentiate who is going to end up with diagnosis. Only a seasoned developmental ped or psychologist can do that. My kid with severe inattentive ADHD was given a tentative diagnosis at 6, and a confirmation of the diagnosis at 10.

So instead of saying "it's not uncommon, relax", you need to say "keep an eye on it, if it doesn't resolve, you need to have your kid evaluated". Especially if the parent tells you that they are like this too, and one of the parent was like this too. Mental health issues are coded in one's genes and are therefore potentially inheritable.

- geneticist.[/quote]
Ex-HS teacher here and I agree with this.  To be fair, PP acknowledged that it's possible OP's DD needs an eval.  But teachers don't have enough training or information about the students to make the call, even though many try to.

I used to wish we could go back to our feeder elementary schools later on, to let the teachers know which students' issues had naturally resolved vs. ending up with a diagnosis and needing professional support.  I think this is the reason schools are often surprised when parents come to them with private testing.  They can blame the education-industrial complex ("there was nothing to see there, private testers were just out to make money") but in my experience having seen many such reports, they are often carefully written and not hyperbolic.  [/quote]

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