Reply to Why do people blame their siblings over parental favoritism? What is the appropriate response?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The blaming siblings are narcissist: they are never satisfied with anyone.

[i]The narcissist is draining to be around. Everything positive is about them.  Anything else is about you and everyone around them who is wrong, incompetent, and not worthy of their time and attention.  If the narcissist isn’t talking about how wonderful they are, they are complaining.  Narcissists complain about everything. Why do narcissists complain so much?

If you remember, narcissists live in a fantasy world created by them that also must be maintained by them because there is no actual evidence they are the superior person they want you to think they are.  The problem is the narcissist believes this fantasy they have created, and they will do everything to ensure their true selves are never exposed.  When things don’t go as the narcissist wants, they complain.  The complaining can be obvious through mean words and loud voices, or more passive-aggressively through sarcasm and belittling.  Either way, the narcissist is trying to protect their fragile senses of self to prevent narcissistic injury.

The narcissist is entitled and expects excessive admiration from everyone.  To not receive this feels like a personal attack to the narcissist. So, they complain. They complain how you don’t understand who they are and what they have to offer. How you are wrong in not understanding why they acted in a certain way.

Nothing is ever good enough for a narcissist because a narcissist is never happy.  They have an unstable sense of self that needs constant refill with a narcissistic supply. They cannot produce happiness from within.  Their focus is on keeping their guard up so that they aren’t exposed for who they really are.  This doesn’t allow them to simultaneously find pleasure in theirs, or others, lives.

The complaining is also used to control.  When the narcissist complains, attention is on them.  They receive words of encouragement or get special treatment.  The special treatment doesn’t even have to be done with care by the other person.  The only thing the narcissist sees is they are being treated differently than others and receiving what they think others want. Narcissists are envious of others and also think others are envious of them.  When they can feel special, this contributes to refilling their narcissistic supply.

Through their control tactics, they can manipulate the people around them.  The more they complain, the more they get their way and the more they feel in control.  It is always about what the narcissist wants and needs and never about the other person.

The complaining is also used to have other people feel as bad as they do.  Narcissists never want to be at the bottom alone and will do anything to bring you down with them. The narcissist will complain to draw you into their negativity.  Misery loves company and no one knows this better than the narcissist. The narcissist lacks empathy and is incapable of understanding that you might feel happy.  All they are focused on is ensuring you know how bad they feel.

To feel better about themselves, the narcissist must always complain through identification of other’s shortcomings. This way the focus is on everyone else but them. As long as they complain and point out where everyone else is failing, then they think the attention is off them.   The narcissist must always be in control and one way they do this is complaining. Complaining allows them to control the narrative and manipulate things in their favor. [/i]

https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/blog/narcissists-complain-about-everything[/quote]

Sounds a lot like the golden child who has been taught from infancy that they are the superior person and who complain about their siblings not treating them as such.

[/quote]

As I said, I don't think about my childhood and how my sibling treated me and how I was treated compared to her by my parents, etc. I don't think about these things ever, at all. [/quote]

Oh, and to add, I don't feel a need to humble myself because I don't think my childhood failed just because someone else in the same household said theirs did. I know misery loves company, narcissist love company, but that is not my problem.[/quote]

I got a narcisim vibe from the original post too.  My mom displays a lot of narcisitic traits, everything always comes back to her.  It's gotten worse as she's gotten older, but has always been there.  And always blaming someone for something- e.g., in her 70s now and still fixates on aspects of her childhood.  In fairness, I don't think my grandparents were super emotionally available.  They were by-products of the depression, both lost siblings in WWII.  They worked hard to give my mom and her siblings a stable middle class life, but there was little tolerance for complaints or coddling, you bucked up and moved on.   I don't get the sense the siblings were necessarily treated all that different, but they all have different personalities and internalized it differently.  When my grandmother told mom and aunt that they should live at home and become secretaries rather than go to college to become teachers, my mom followed that advice and my aunt didn't.  My mom never got over it but resented my grandmother/aunt rather than own her decision.  Even in the later years I'd watch how different their behavior was around my grandmother- she'd make a dumb comment and my aunt would just roll her eyes where my mom would tense up and brood about it for days, convinced that grandma said it just to make her mad.[/quote]

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